I feel you, Camille. I really had a dilemma when I was about to go back to work 3 months after I gave birth to my first child. Although we live next to my hubby's office, I wasn't comfortable letting a yaya take care of my baby. I went back to work but for a couple of weeks only, I wasn't successful. Hindi ko kinaya ang sepanx and the thought that I won't be able to monitor every milestone of my child kasi possible na nasa work ako when he would first crawl or sit.. that's the reason why I decided to quit my job. This is not to discourage you, I'm just sharing my personal experience kasi magkakaiba naman tayo.
It's very normal for mommies to feel that way. Honestly, nasa sayo pa din yan kung sa tingin mo kaya mo na ipaalaga ang baby mo or hindi. You have follow your instinct, para sakin ha.. Bihira lang yan na mga milestones na yan, and nakakapanghinayang talaga kung hindi natin mawitness first hand.
Ganyan din nararamdaman ko dati. Pero iniisip ko nalang para din sa future ni baby kaya need ko magwork. Tapos kapag breaktime nagvivideo call kami para makumusta ko din si baby. Sa gabi naman bawi ako kay baby by alloting time playing kahit pa pagod sa work/byahe.
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Hindi naman ibig sabihin na may yaya na ay di mo na makikita milestones ni baby. You can still allot time after work para matutukan mo din si baby.