Stop breastfeeding, guilty or not guilty

I just gave birth 2 weeks ago, and I want to stop my breastmilk so badly. With the engorged pain, having to wake up every few hours to pump, and taking care of baby... I'm feeling all the anxiety and frustration. My friend made me feel guilty that why I didn't pull through the tiredness and give my baby breastmilk as it is the best for my baby. As my confinement ends in another 2 more weeks, my husband and my mum will not be around and I have to take care 24/7 of my baby with no help. I can't imagine to be taking care of my baby alone, with all the engorged pain and having to pump every hours. Am I being a bad mum for not pulling through the tiredness to give my baby breastmilk?

9 Replies
undefined profile icon
Write a reply

Hi, I totally understand what you're feeling now. I'm a first time mum and gave birth just 2 months ago. I encountered engorgement during the 2nd week and low supply, it was so bad that I gotta seek help from a lactation consultant to come to my house to help me with the engorgement but it was worth it. After that one session of help from the lactation consultant, I slowly increased my supply through power pump and learnt how to massage my breasts to ease the engorgement. It was really hard during the first few weeks but I promise you it'll get easier and the engorgement does get better once you get the hang of massaging your breasts. I even broke down and cried during the second week when the engorgement happened, throughout my entire pregnancy I didn't even complain or cry, it was the breastfeeding and engorgement that broke me down and made me cry. But just push through and I'm used to the pumping schedule, waking up in the middle of the night to pump (netflix and using that time to watch your favorite drama or play handphone game helps). I take the night time pumping as my me time to watch drama and be away from my baby (baby sleeping with hubby while I pump in peace at night). I am also looking after the baby on my own with no help, husband at work, I have no helper, I'm all alone with baby at home and 2 dogs (yea I have to also feed the dogs and clean their pee and poo too). My tip is to always feed your baby first before you start pumping, if can, put your baby to sleep first then you pump (so that you can watch drama in peace again...) Ultimately it's your choice to continue breastfeeding or not, you're the best mum for your baby. All the best! oh and on the bright side, breastfeeding helps you to lose weight! I went back to my pre-pregnancy weight after confinement and able to fit into my old pair of shorts.

Read more
VIP Member

Hi! Glad that you are fighting through this and carry on with the perseverance! Know that you are not alone and may I offer a penny worth of my thoughts: Perhaps you could try to ask your siblings (if any) or cousins for help during alternate days so that they can accompany and assist you with taking care of the baby and house chores. I'm sure family support is the only solution you have for now since your friends are making you guilty. True friends won't judge you, instead they should/would offer a helping hand during your post-natal journey.

Read more

It will gets better with time. Direct and frequent latch is the best way to clear the engorgement. I’m also FTM with no helper and I’m the primary caregiver of my baby as my husband works longer hour than me. Stay strong and rest more when baby sleep. With direct latch you don’t even need to pump very frequent. I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to pump as I latch on my baby on demand while lying down. We co-sleep with our baby. When my baby is with me full time, I only require to pump every morning between 5.30am-8.30am.

Read more

What kinda friend is that? So shallow.. Should not be guilty, is a personal choice. Even though it may seems like is more nutritious for the baby to be fed Bm, formula today are not too far away, many babies on formula are still healthy n strong. Ultimately, that’s what we want right? the general well-being of the mother is still the most important. If your mental is unhealthy, how will you have the capacity to contribute, and take care of your beloved child?

Read more

Fed is best. Baby needs mom. Breastfeeding is tough! I breastfed my 2 kids until 3-4 years old and now starting again with a newborn.. it is STILL hard. Of course it gets easier, but what you need to access is your mental health. Can you continue to do this and also be okay? You know your limits. Remember ultimately, baby needs you well.

Read more

No not a bad mum but also I believe u can survive this! I have no help either, living alone without parents, no helper n husb at work. Me, newborn n toddler a dog, I tried to DL instead of pumping but when I had to pump I invested in a good handsfree pump, I feed baby n pump at the same time so I don't have to "work" extra time

Read more

You are not a bad mum. I think you can try massage your breast before DL. Use finger to massage the hard part of your breast in circular motion towards nipple. I donot pump , too tired. My motivation to continue breastfeeding is Formula is expensive and troublesome to prepare. Breastfeeding save money

Read more

you are not being a bad mom. you mental health is impt too. I did not even breastfeed my baby at all since birth as I was already feeling stress having the tot on it. always rem, happy mummy = happy baby.

I understand what you are feeling. I also have no additional help but I direct latch. the only motivation to continue with breastfeeding is the money for formula. lol