Where is my village?

Despite living in a house with others, there were many times when I found it hard to ask for help too. Other family members often do their own stuff and will not be the ones initiating help unless I ask. Even if I’m walking around with my eyes half closed. My husband helps as much as he can - think night duties, washing bottles, packing and unpacking stuff, but he gets tired from his work too. But I live with the fact that I do what I can and within my means as far as possible. I get to grow into my mother role on my own terms! It’s definitely not an easy feat. My conversations these days revolve so much around my baby. Some of my friends may think that I’m no longer as fun as before and won’t ask me out anymore because I can’t stay out for long hours with or without my baby. Undoubtedly my life has changed permanently and I now have a little one who is dependent on me. But I won’t have it any other way too ☺️ I just find new ways to live my life with my new little bestie and my hubs. I’m a FTM and I understand the physical exhaustion and mental load of a mum. I’m still growing and learning everyday, and every time my little one smiles and make silly noises, it infinitely makes my mood so much better ☺️ Sometimes we don’t need a village. Sometimes we just need the right help at the right time. Glad that ifc is something that you can look forward to! I’m somewhat an eastie too, but I’d be happy to connect with you virtually if you want to make a new mum friend haha. Let me know! We could work smth out ☺️

Hi, i am 7mths pregnant and now facing the issue of whether to get confinement lady to ease of the load in the initial month. I’m currently quite depressed because i felt that my husband and his fam except mil is thinking in the manner of having money to solve problem. I know they have good intention because they want me to recover well especially the initial phase. However, this being my first time, i want to sit through the process even though i know it would be challenging. I dont feel unsupported as well, my mil is willing to help takecare of the kid during the day and i dont see a problem with that i take the night time since i have to pump anyways. On those part about avoid touching water etc i’m sure that is the smallest problem that can be solved by either washing it the next morning or smth. I know i might be emotional right now, but am i missing out key concerns that i never put into considerations? I felt very gaslighted not opting for confinement lady now. And it’s makes me so upset and i worried its affect baby in my womb.

I’ve been there, except that I am a SAHM instead and my kid didn’t attend school until 2.5 years old. My own parents live in the west and me at the east so it’s impossible for them to come over, especially when they have young kids themselves too. On days when I am half dead from fever and have no one, those were the hardest for me. It’s exhausting but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Looking on the positive side, at least I have my own say, I don’t have to deal with parents/mil trying to interfere with how I teach my child. I only reconnected with close friends after LO turns 1, when it’s easier to bring her out alone without having to bring 2-3 bags and stroller. You can try to make new mummy friends around your housing estate, go on mummy dates, you’ll probably click more than your own friends because they understand your situation more and your kid will have play dates too etc.

Yes, I hear you cause I was on that same boat. But tbh, looking back now, newborn stage is tough, so tough, but I wish I hugged my baby more, despite all the exhaustion and frustration. Not sure if you’re a FTM and if you are, bear in mind that our baby will only be so small once. We will eventually get more control to our daily life. It’s good that you have planned for ifc. Hang in there. And meanwhile, hug and smell your newborn as long as you can, and take lots and lots of photos and videos. If I can turn back time, I would really hope to be with my baby newborn again, whom by the way, had bad colic and would cry for hours after sunset. Days will be better. Be kind to yourself.

Sometimes its the closest that disappoint you the most. I was also disappointed during ym early postpartum days. Hang in there mummy! Try to enroll your baby early in ifc maybe when he turns 2 months.

🙏💕