Selfish & Self Centered MIL

Im 38w 1d preg with my 1st child now. Staying with my husb & MIL at her house located in Yishun. MILis now processing her divorce w my FIL.. est to get everything settled by eoy.. MIL now is taking care of my SIL's 2 kids age 9 & 11 yrs old.. They are staying at Sembawang & is now WFH.. but my MIL still insist on taking care of them.. but problem is, she never asked her daughter (my SIL) for money to pay her kids' expenses.. all of it is being paid by my husband. My FIL is basically a free loader and good for nothing.. so i am not happy about it because 1stly, my MIL and her grandkids are very wasteful kind of people. They alw leave th electricity/current on even after not using them. 2ndly, my MIL will buy snacks or foods and drinks for them, and we're not allowed to eat it (even my husb). My husb have to ask for permission before eating it, eventho technically he paid for it.. 3rdly, my MIL will cook dishes for her grandkids to bring home leaving me & husb with little food left to eat.. And whats worst, my MIL will always complain to her siblings and mother and relatives and to me sometimes, saying that my husband is very selfish when it comes to money! Excuse me?! My husband practically takes care of all the bills & expenses in this house.. it's her daughter that is selfish but she didnt see that.. she said she sympathize with her daughter because she is a single mom.. but then what about me & husband? She doesnt sympathize with us at all.. me with being a SAHM, having a baby otw, getting our place soon (after her divorce is settled), renovations & furnitures all.. she doesnt seem to think about that all.. B4 i gotten pregnant, she already warned me earlier on saying that when i got pregnant & give birth alrdy, she will not take care of me during my confinement period as she is alrdy old & not strong anymore.. she said to stay with my mom and let my mom handle me.. and once i start work already, my baby to be sent to my parents place also. She dont want to take care of babies anymore. When she was telling me all this, i was like shock.. because, i didnt even have the thought of her taking care of me and my baby at all.. i have already discuss with my mom about all this before i even got married that she will take care of me & baby.. idk but the way my MIL spoke to me about this is as though i am a burden & wanna draw the line.. lol.. And like i said, im staying with her now in Yishun.. my parents place is in tampines.. my husband is working at tampines.. my work industry is located in changi. So we're definitely going to buy a house at tampines because it is very convenient for us, obviously.. BUT, now my MIL disagree with our plan. She wants us to buy house at Sembawang or Yishun so she can continue taking care of her 2 grandkids.. when i tell her no and asked her to move in with her daughter then if that is the case, she gave her stupid excuses which is, my SIL place is 3room BTO flat, very small so not comfy enough for her. So she wants me and husband to get a resale at Sembawang or Yishun so she can be at her comfort zone. Big spacious house & get to be with her grandkids.. so her grandkids can come over to my place and she can continue taking care of them whilst my SIL is working from home at her house in Sembawang.. I truly dont understand her logic in this matter.. When i give her my reason saying that i will be working at changi, how can she expect me to take bus to and fro with baby everyday from north to east; and i will have to wake up super early; the journey; baby is not going to be comfortable in the bus for long period of time twice daily & all these would be way even more troublesome if it rains.. She just look at me and repeat her dumbass excuses, "But i pity my 2 grandkids.. nobody take care of them when their mom is WFH." She clearly only thinks of herself, her daughter and her 2 grandkids. She not making it subtle at all. As though the baby in my stomach is not her grandchild also. I keep asking her to move in with her daughter, she will keep saying that the house so small not comfy and shes not used to it.. And now i just found out not only that, she plans to bring all her old antique furnitures to move into my house because she feel "sayang" to throw or sell her furnitures away.. i have repeatedly tell her no no no no no.. she will keep quiet and try to guilt trip me saying that she wants to stay in old folks home since nobody cares for her anymore. Manipulative! But i still stand firm and my ans is no. And she disregard my decision and say to me, "Later after confinement period, u come back here and we discuss again." I still said no. She replied, "Nvm, we'll talk about it later." I tried telling my husband about this. He doesnt seem to agree with his mom also and he seem quite angry about it.. but he also seemed like he was angry at me because i was complaining about his mother.. i really dont know what else to do.. my MIL is very control queen and selfish and thinks of her own convenience and biased.. i am feeling quite resentful towards her now.. and ive been crying at night thinking about this.. esp in my final weeks, i know its not good for baby.. but i cant help it.. ive always wanted a house on my own with my husband and baby.. where i can have privacy and decorate my house following my style, cook my dishes (she doesnt eat or let her grandkids eat my cooking.. she will cook different dish for herself and her grandkids) but now i feel like my MIL is trying to snatch all that way from me.. sometimes i just feel like separating with my husband.. since he doesnt like me complaining about his mom to him.. then to who can i complain? So i am just swallowing all this by myself..

Anonymous

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I used to have a MIL that is overbearing too. Used to because its now my Ex. I invited my FIL to stay with us initially because he was renting and staying alone. But then my MIL came back from overseas and decided to stay in sg for good and ended up staying w us. she literally took over my house. her stuffs all over the place, boxes unpacked. Her room super packed with stuffs. She would give pushy advices all the time. My ex at that time when I complained, he just keep quiet. He didn't want to get into an argument with my MIL. She would also get into frequent arguments with my FIL that one day, he packed his bag and went overseas to work leaving her with us. All I can say is, having a difficult MIL can be very stressful to Ur relationship with ur husband. It can create a rift with ur husband, as u've mentioned, he's already feeling tired of you complaining about her. I feel it is important for new couples with babies to have a space of Ur own to bring up Ur family. Unless u have a very good relationship with ur in laws, it can be awkward and difficult sometimes. In Muslim teachings, when a man marries, the husband has to now put the wife first before the mother because she is now Ur immediate family, the woman who bears Ur children. I hope ur husband realises how important it is for ur sanity especially after giving birth, if ure too stressed out, u will get post partum depression. That is very dangerous. Plead with ur husband. Let him see how important this is. Try going out and have a good talk outside of the home. Stay strong. I agree staying in the East is the most practical for u and Ur job.

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Anonymous

3y ago

understand how u feel. similarly, my mil is mean to me and I find her practicing favouritism to my hubby's elder bro. I had no choice but to bring to my hubby's attention that providing for my mil is a shared responsibility among the siblings and not just us backing it up entirely. It's upsetting seeing how she doesn't appreciate what my husband has done for her. My mil has also been mean to me for the past 3 years living together. She doesn't care about my needs at all and expect us to suit to her habits and practices, and still come around to accuse us of what she has done to us. For e.g, we always hv to wait for an 'empty slot aka days she doesn't wash her laundry' then we can do our laundry. and she has a lot to wash considering that it is a one pax. and when we finally had the chance to do laundry, we may not be able to sun it out cause either we have to be out getting groceries or it's raining. she will then cook without informing us to keep our clothes first and the laundry sm

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💔 :( my situation is different but i feel your pain because my mil is quite overbearing too. It’s always not easy dealing with someone else’s mother who has some influence over how you live. Ranting wise i find theres a limit to sharing with husbands because they are sandwiched in between. I rant to other mummies and my parents instead for better mental health! If you want i’m here to listen to your rant :) (im staying in tamp) I hope your husband will see that while he has to respect his parents, he now has to protect you and his new family unit (you + bb). Keep your stance and don’t buckle because you have your own life to live. It’s a good sign your hubby don’t quite agree with his mum, so both of you should have the final say and decision on where you live, your house, your furniture and kids! She had her chance to own her house, raise her kids, now is your turn to live yours! I hope as a couple you both will learn to manage her.. Better faster move to tampines so it’ll be more mafan for her to travel and maybe you will see her less.

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Ver

3y ago

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To me, she dont get to decide what u both wants. Have a gd discussion with ur husband without mentioning ur Mil and her concerns. Try not to get too intensed during conversations with the thoughts of her. Discuss as a couple abt ur teamwork needs. At the end of the day, after u apply for home in Tampines she would have no choice but to follow ur Sil and take care of grandkids unless she willingly follow u and takes care of ur kids instead, which I will worry abt the way she wil treat ur kids cos of maybe she feeling upset w the whole arrangement. Discuss buying a home ASAP after giving birth and location is indeed a big factor for u and husband for work convenience and child caregiving. She is not the one going to work to support and she dont want to care for ur kids. She wil be fine at ur Sil. It's just her pettiness.

Anonymous

3y ago

she is petty.. she alw wanna show off to ppl that she have a good life.. nice big house.. all kids & grandkids must prioritize her.. she can stay wherever she wants, idc as long as its not my house haha!

Walao this kind hear already also angry! So stupid! MIL divorcee, SIL single mom. Is it no man in life then will make stupid decisions? Hate this kind! If can slap or chase them out i will. This kind must instil fear in them! DON'T let your MIL move into your house at all cost. Your baby, your rule. Your house, your rule. Lagi you don't have to explain your standpoint. Seriously MILs are the reason marriage fall apart. Both MIL & SIL marriage already a failure, please don't come mess with yours. Stupid women.

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Anonymous

3y ago

Omggg serious?! Baby to call SIL mummy?! Please don't confuse baby like that la. Merepek sehh this kind. So free to kaypo. I will be so mad! Sending you lots of love and prayers. Wish i can talk to you in person! Now that i have a baby of my own i love talking to fellow mamas! 🥰 May things be smooth and you get out of that living hell soon! ❤️

Just ignore her and get your house in Tampines! And don’t keep any room for her please! Never stay with this type of MIL.. If she can treat you and hubby like this now, I can’t imagine what worse she will do to your baby.. Maybe the next time you can tell her “you can sell away your current house and ask you dau to sell hers then both of you can together buy a bigger house and more bigger than mine” - I’m sure she will be burning inside. Cheer up mummy!

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Anonymous

3y ago

stay at east side, it's your marriage your husband and your money. also, if you can engage ID to "widen your living room" , like tear the wall on one of the room that will be ideal. if you play music instrument even better park one grand piano in place. sorry MIL I dont have place for you. I know it sounds mean, but u have to guard your family and even more so you have little one on the way, you will need more privacy than ever. lesser things to worry about than ever.

why not you apply your own BTO and move out leh. if My MIL ,I kill her at the spot lol 😆 now even my MIL and FIL very good, no silbling around I fought with my husband and moved out buy my own resale 4toom flat and live happily, now I got my first pregnancy and having own family Jia you and fight to get for it. Your husband love you ,definitely follow you, but you need an very good strategy and action.

why bother so much? just do things the way you want and you'll be happy. continue thinking about other people's feelings, especially this kind of people, you will only suffer yourself.

just say no staying in your own BTO with MIL continue

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