Saying goodbye... to bf

it’s with mixed feelings and a heavy heart that i will be saying goodbye to breastfeeding when baby is 6m. i have endured months of painful cracked blistering bleeding nipples, engorgement , lack of sleep and rest, stress at work from a not-understanding boss and colleagues, in order to provide breastmilk for my baby. i don’t produce a lot but i have tried hard and to the best of what i can do, to squeeze out whatever i can. i will dread whenever people ask, is baby on bm or formula? as soon i will have to say shamefully, the latter only. people have no idea how stressful and sad it is. conversations in the shared pumping room- “wow i have so much milk i don’t know where to store!” ... “my baby is almost 1 year and i plan to continue as long as she wants!” ... “i just need to pump 10min and i have 300ml” ... all these made me feel like a failure. to rub salt into my wounds (literally also), my baby refuses to latch sometimes but will drink straight from bottle after he bites/pushes me away. and still i endured till now. i know kind people will try to console me. but i can not help but feel i am a loser. especially when a big factor is due to work stress. i can endure the painful nipples but the stress of work piling up and being questioned by my boss “have u done this? that?” when i go to pump and my work just piling up with no help because i had to pump. my boss had hinted i need to buck up. so i end up working late and later & later with my engorged breasts. i am often the last one to leave office. even when i’m pumping i’m so fearful, i keep checking my emails. this was a major factor why i also decided to stop bf. and i feel ashamed as my baby should be the most important but i let work dictate what i do for him... but i cannot afford to lose this job as times are bad now and i need to feed the family. it’s a long post, thanks for being here and TIA for any positive thoughts sent out to me. thank you... and blessed Vesak Day.

17 Replies

Your boss is an asshole! Do not fret dear and just remember you gave her all the way to 6months! Not many mothers can say that, some mothers don't produce enough breastmilk to feed their babies from the beginning hence the formula. I used to be pro-breastfeeding, but now I am just pro-feeding. It is a tough journey and people are not always understanding of breastfeeding or breastmilk feeding mum's so don't blame yourself for doing what is best for your child. Just always remember you did your best, you made it this far, you struggled and prevailed. As long as your baby is happy, healthy and well, you are a great mother and no one can take that from you. No one. You did really well and you always will. The fact you want what is best for your baby and think your terrible mum is why you will be a great mum because you will never stop trying to be better. Keep your chin up dear and strive on

i have to agree with you, yes he is... lol ... thank you so much dear. u have no idea how your encouragement made me smile a bit and feel much better. i will strive to be a good mum like u- positive and strong. thank you 🙏

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Hello Mama. I wanna say congratulations. I stopped my journey at 4weeks postpartum. Not even a month. I totally understand how you feel. Im sorry you feel this way and you definitely shouldn't. You did what was best for both your baby and your family. I remember crying during the nights and in the shower getting rid of the plugged ducts. I just wanna give you a big hug. No one knows the struggles a mom goes through. Wipe your tears mama. Look at the bright side, your baby is healthy. And at the end of the day. Remember that it doesn't make you feel any less of a wonderful mother you are. Happy advanced mother's day to you. you're amazing mama.

and i wanna give u one back mama. i know the pain of the blocker ducts... ohh the throbbing and bleeding and still being stressed over work. i know you persevered so much too. we have come this far, we should really enjoy our motherhood, yes? *hug*

My wife bf for 2 weeks, then stopped as she was stressed out and tired from the need to constant pump. So we discuss, I understand her stress and told her to stop bf, to which she agree. Had told my wife it doesn't matter to me if it's bf or Formula Milk, our upmost priority should be as long baby is healthy will do, the rest is secondary. Our baby is turning 4 months old in 4 days time and is doing fine on formula Milk. So you need not feel guilty, we all have to take decisions in the best interests of the whole family; always look & focus on the big picture.

you are a great hubby to your wife, very understanding and supportive. some husbands do not understand the stress of this extremely steep learning curve and journey. happy to hear your baby is doing just as fine!

Take care of yourself, its the most important thing you can do for the baby. Have you heard of the two bucket theory? Your baby depends on you to "fill up their bucket" which is to take care of their needs. But ur own "bucket" needs to be full first before you can give them some from yours. Making this decision sounds like a very brave and difficult one you had to make, good job and feel better soon. a happy mum makes a happy baby. Baby will do fine whether bm or formula. ❤️

thank you very much for your kind words. i know, “happy mummy=happy baby”. i just wish i can do more for my baby instead of being pressured to stop bf because of circumstances. there’s so much focus and emphasis on how “bm is best milk” but it’s really tough to maintain once back to work. the body also knows and responds sadly as stress decreases my supply even more.

Do not compare yourself to other people! Do what's best for you and your baby, stay happy and positive and stop comparing to other mommies ( who have ample breastmilk) Same thing goes to toddler growing up. Don't compare to other babies for eg. Why other babies 6months can sit up but mine cannot. Let everything take its nature and you'll be alright and much more happier :)

it’s like you read my mind... i’m now also worried about baby’s development. thank you very much for your kindness.

Hi Momma! Don't be too hard on yourself! My baby might not be out yet but i totally feel you! You have done a great job! Noone can give your baby the best milk but yourself! You are not a loser, mind you! I feel sad that your boss is not 1 understanding person. I wouldn't want that to happen to me either. Keep your head up high, Momma! ❤

may you have a smooth and much much better experience and a fulfilling motherhood! congrats! 🥳

u have done what u can, mummy. Every mother struggles with their own issues. theres no shame in giving fm. Some mummies like my mil cant produce any milk at all! or other mummies just dont want to deal with bm took pills to stop the bm. Its all in ur mind. The most important thing is ur baby is happy and full belly. Take care , mummy.

thank you very much for your encouraging words!

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After reading this I am so sorry for what u have been thru. Hugz... May god be there to bless u on your job and a healthy baby. Hand in there mummy, u are strong and u have done what u sld and what u can for the family. Do be upset as everyone is made differently.

thank you very much, may God bless u too & family and all the kind people here who have given me so much kindness and encouragement. i feel supported and blessed.

Hihi can I ask if your period is back? Was the flow normal? I also stopped bf at 6 mths pp.. I started to spot when I dropped pump at 5.5mth.. I m confused if its my period or some other issues..

hi there. my period is not back yet as i’m still bf... although i did drop pump sessions due to work (can no longer afford to pump every 3hrs; sure get even more blacklisted).

Congratulations that you lasted for 6 months . Listen to your body . If u can continue to latch your baby first thing in the morning and before LO sleep, and the rest formula . Mixed feeding .

i would like to try going without pump in office but still latch when i’m home (in the evening when home and in the night feeds) but not sure if will get engorgement... any advice? thank you so much.

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