I cried today

Just wanted to rant. Long post ahead. Please don't flame. I had no milk when I gave birth to baby. I couldn't breastfeed on the first day because I was so busy vomitting and fainting. Then all the pains (e.g cramps, episiotomy) came in and I still didn't breastfeed much on the 2nd day. I was upset but baby had to be fed. So I got the hospital nurses to feed him formula. When I reached home I had no milk still, but I ate pills to promote breast milk, power pump, pump every 2 hours even waking up from sleep to pump every 2 hours etc and my output increases from measly 2ml on my 3rd day to 120ml in 4 weeks! I was happy. During feeding, my husband would take out and use the entire bottle, and baby cannot finish the bottle and would regularly waste 20-30ml. This was okay to me at first because I consistently had 100 to 120ml and baby was drinking 80 to 100ml. But now baby increased to 100-120ml. I thought full is best, a little wastage is fine. But one feeding today, baby refused to drink anything more than 50ml and wasted 70ml. Due to frequent checkups, long hospital visitsvand activities, and departure of nanny, I had frequent missed pumps and my supply dropped to 90ml. =( I fed baby 90ml today. I know I could have added 30ml from the next bottle but I guess I was now hesitant to waste the milk. But baby did not sleep and was fussy. My MIL help to carry baby, she asks if he is hungry. I said maybe and made 80ml. He nearly fell asleep after screaming and waste my 80ml but luckily my mil mansged to wake him. After a while after feeding baby was crying, my husband came out and asked if baby was hungry again. I then thought about (felt guilty) making my baby go hungry because of my hesitancy to waste milk, then thought about all the wasted milk before, esp the 70ml, thought about how my supply May not be able to meet baby needs, worst of all, all the efforts that went into increasing my supply being wasted - I cried.