Jealous of MIL

Taking care of a newborn is tiring, and husband is working, so MIL comes over every morning and afternoon to help. However, she takes all the baby bonding jobs only - such as feeding, playing and carrying baby, and everything else dirty or out of the scenes is done by me (she asks me to do) - such as making milk, bottle washing, laundry, housework, diaper changing, wrapping baby in swaddle, making the baby bed, cutting baby nails, settling all the poop leaks etc. During diaper change, she will sit beside and talk and entertain baby while i change. After changing diaper for baby, mil will carry baby away to bond, so I don't have time to bond with baby also... Feels like I am "returning" baby to mil... Now my baby is so close to her but not me, he allows my mil to carry him and cries when I do, doesn't smile much at me or talk to me but smiles at her. I feel like my mil is the mother and I am just a maid... By the end of the day I am also very tired and my husband also helps by taking all the baby bonding job and I do all the behind the scenes. I get very little time to bond with the baby. The only time when I bond with baby is when I breastfeed in the middle of the night. My baby wakes up once or twice in the motn and I breastfeed and put him back to bed that's all. But baby is drowsy and environment is dark, so he probably doesn't recognize me. And I want him to sleep so I ignore him when he tries to talk to me. I actually do want to talk to him so I feel sad when ignoring him. What should I do? I do need the help, but I am jealous that my mil is getting more affection and bond with my baby and i dont? #firsttimemom #firstmom #advicepls

Anonymous

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Mummy, I also went through the same feelings, especially during the confinement days. But for myself I chose to just keep it all in, and till now I still feel the same way towards my MIL whenever she is around my baby (my baby just turned 1). If I look back now, I wished I had placed my foot down more and did what I wanted to do more. Like you, alot of times my family told me to go rest, while they handled baby. I also had to pump every 2 hours. So that meant that everyone else got to bond with baby except me. I felt so sad and cried so often. I also cried when baby didn't seem to look at me or smile at me. Your baby will eventually know who is mama, not to worry about that. But to make your earlier days happier, I would urge you to let your MIL know of your preference, or tell your husband to drop some hints. At the end of the day, you are the mother, you should decide how you want to look after baby, and others should respect that. Otherwise, this issue of "fighting" for baby's attention will just continue on through the months and early years. ❤️

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