Postpartum depression is real.
After giving birth was my "worst days"... don't get me wrong - instantly defensive; I love the sight of my daughter. I love Lia so much. ?
But a series of valid excuses were simultaneously a contributing factor to these "worst days:"
1. I lost a lot of blood while on labor, so I was so weak to even sit. I forced it a day after, but nearly blacked out. I literally had to worm some days after that. I had to heal, but wasn't spared that much. I wasn't able to hire a permanent nanny, and there were no agencies nor a day care here in Talibon. So I became the nanny.
????
2. I had no "home." We had a home - defensive again ?, we bought one in Baclayon. But his career status wasn't permanent there, and speaking of fate, a tempting permanent one was hiring here. So, he applied and got hired, just a month before I gave birth, ? and hence, the new home was a construction in progress.
So I was in this chaotic and messy room, after I gave birth, and a truly uncomfortable. ???
Of cource, without TV, Internet, and with a destroyed phone - ?, I was bored, with no escapism and isolated. ?
3. I had no sleep, it was a given. But I also didn't have on time, complete meals. Why? My mom had this valid, as I exaggerated, "life and death" significant appointment in Tagbilaran; while my husband's mom passed away, and he was the eldest of the family. Hence, I was always alone, and I wasn't pampered. ???
4. I was paranoid. Lia had an tiny infection, and peed blood. So I was hysterical. I also didn't have even the tiniest bit of experience with babies. I knew nothing. ??
5. I was frustrated for I had no breastmilk.
??
I truly wanted to breastfeed, and took me four days of prayers, painful dry sucking, sips of "malungay" soup and nursing milk, before it was realized.
6. I was insecure too. I didn't even get to fix myself amidst the exhaustion. ?? So I had self-pity which soon became depression.
7. I didn't have someone to be sympathetic. No one knew where I stayed, nor how to reach me. I was on my own.
I was honestly wrecked. But with the Lord, I made it. ❤️
I think I experienced a lot, and I made it.
You can all make it too. ❤️