Vagina Tearing to Anus

Hey moms, I just need to vent... When I gave birth, I had a normal delivery. But guess what... my vagina tore all the way to my anus. I don't know whose fault it was, but what I do know is that I was extremely panicked during the birth. Even though I had attended prenatal classes frequently... I panicked and pushed hastily. I pushed chaotically and didn't follow the doctor's instructions... I also rarely did perineal massages because I found them uncomfortable. But now, I really regret it... To all the moms who are about to give birth, please don't repeat my mistakes.