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idk how else to contain my anger……..

i just really wanted to rant because i have no one else to talk to… but anyway, my MIL suggested to take my LO (5mo) from sat-sun— which im fine with because it has been our arrangement since the beginning. i hate the fact that she does everything behind my back without asking me about what i think first. i really hate it. in the beginning, when my LO was around 1-2mo, she fed him small amounts of water because he was having a hard time passing motion— WHICH IS NORMAL FOR A NEWBORN AS THEYRE JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING BY THEMSELVES. and i kind of confronted her about it saying that she shouldn’t, sent her articles that affected other babies and she had the gull to tell me that “it doesnt affect ALL babies” ya sure that may be the case, but its my baby you’re handling, MY BABY AND NOT YOURS. today, we were in the topic of feeding since i’m a bit concerned about LO’s feedings since he drinks on and off these days, so i was curious if he was feeding well. she mentioned that my LO wouldn’t finish drinking which is fine, my husband and i told her LO is suddenly going through this phase so just let him feed and rest in between and continue. AND SHE BLURTED OUT: “he also can take a bit of puree which is good” i cant even fathom how angry i am and as im typing this i feel like crying because whenever i voice things out to my husband regarding his mom’s actions he would always tell me to voice it out to her myself and i get so frustrated because HOW CAN A SON NOT TALK TO HIS OWN MOTHER? (i’ve decided not to confront her because we are always in constant miscomm and i get frustrated when she doesn’t understand me, so i would have to ask my husband to rephrase for me in text when texting MIL) i had it all planned out that we would start feeding him when LO is 6mo. she didnt even bother asking me when i would start feeding solids like… how inconsiderate can someone be? he is my baby. this is so infuriating for me and i feel so helpless and small. UPDATE: husband texted MIL earlier, she replied so passive aggressively (lol, not surprised at this point) saying, “ask her full-time take care of baby” like ok? I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT, provided she doesn’t interfere with me mothering my own son then yes. at this point, i honestly feel like going no-contact with her and their side of the family. i cant believe someone would be this defensive and just… i dont even have the words to describe how im feeling. thank you to all the mummies who replied and understood me. i’ve never felt this heard in so long and i appreciate everything said in the comments 🥹

Anonymous

6 Replies

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For me, I can put up with everything but when it comes to the wellbeing and safety of my baby, I won’t give way. After being a mom, I’m no longer a softie so if she’s gonna say stuffs like the above “ask her full time take care of baby”, be sure that would be the last time she sees her grandson. I pretty sure know it’s my responsibility so don’t threaten me with it. Afterall if she do realize, if I am to covert into a full time SAHM, all the financial responsibilities falls on HER SON until baby goes to school. Anyways, if my husband don’t talk to his mother, I will do it myself. If you don’t like it then it’s your problem, I’ve made my point and I stand by it. And if your husband were to blame you for being rude or whatsoever, tell him “YOU were the one who wanted me to talk to her isn’t it? Then don’t complain.” I personally cut out my mil for a few months until she apologized first, ever since, she stopped all her nonsense and so far 2 years now, all good. I’m not trying to be rude or what but I believe respect works both ways. Just because I’m a 晚辈 does not mean I have to give in to you everytime, sorry but it doesn’t work this way so don’t use your MIL authority to morally kidnap me.

Anonymous

You have to be stronger than her to defeat her else she will only think you are nice to bully. It’s time to put your wellbeing first rather than your mil and husband. You’re still very kind to even offer to send pictures and videos, I completely ignored my mil for good until she couldn’t take it and apologised. On the day I fell out with my mil, I gave my husband 2 options. 1. Pack your things and leave with me. 2. You can stay here with your mother and visit me and baby (but you have to travel from east to west lo). Anyways from your above context, don’t bother to discuss with your husband lol. I put up with my mil’s nonsense for 4 years and was always the quiet one until I flared up one day. Take a break from them, not say cut ties or what but some time for them to think about their actions. If they apologise to you one day, sure we can start over and put everything behind. We are all gems at our own maiden family, there’s no reason why we should endure all these nonsense just be

omg this is so frustrating. i can imagine my husband being like tt too. he doesnt talk back to his parents as he think is rude. and worse my husband doesnt talk much to his parents in the first place! so i cannot imagine getting my MIL to take care my baby nxt time. she dun even rmb wat fruits my husband doesnt eat. lol. if really need to i will only ask my mum and sisters to help, and they stay near me. at least i can "nag" at them if they did smth wrong. i will only bring my baby to visit my inlaws on sunday only. i also dun trust my inlaws in teaching/bringing up the baby although they have 3 boys. the 3 brothers doesnt talk to one another since young? they are more like strangers? and they have really bad habits. i duno how my inlaws can allow this to develop since young? so im really worried abt my baby's development if my inlaws is going to take care of my baby.

Anonymous

ohno that’s really worrying! now i feel scared for your LO 🥹 and yes i definitely feel much more safe when my family is taking care of LO compared to in-laws. thank you for mentioning that you only bring LO to visit on sundays! maybe i should start enforcing that. in-laws really betrayed my trust deeply this time 🥲 i need to be more stern 😤

DAMN GURL MIL IS ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE I FEEL YOUUU!! Just reading this infuriates me so badly. Ya it doesnt affect all baby but it affects MY BABY. Dont anyhow feed my baby. Atleast ask me first, damnit. And what even your husband. He’s the one that should be firm and sound his own mother. Cause if it comes from her own son, some chance she would listen. No hate but in all honesty, i wouldnt trust leaving my baby with her. You never know what she would feed the baby. Theyll always follow their old times ya ya ya move on from your old times. Better ask your husband to be stern before anything bad happens to your baby’s gut or stomach as its not fully developed and may not be able to accept some things

Anonymous

yes exactly! after the incident in the first month, it was super hard for me to trust her afterwards. especially after she said “it doesnt affect all babies” like… it doesnt matter— have the decency to ask me, THE REAL MOTHER, first. and yes, i’ve spoken to husband and he was super understanding this time and said he would confront MIL tomorrow. just hoping everything would be fine and hope she understands my POV 🥹

It leaves you at the weaker side cause you need her help to look after the baby. It’s either you stop letting her do it and seek alternatives, or, you suck it up, or, you confront her and don’t care anymore even if it ends up badly. You have tried reasoning and it doesn’t work, so how about moving on a different path? Hire a helper? Hire a day time nanny? Send baby to ifc? One of you become full time stay home parent? Btw, your husband is such a wuss for not standing up for all this.

Anonymous

Best of luck sister!

I think you should take a stand and in the meantime, look for other alternatives such as ifc. acknowledge her love for your baby and gently remind her the severity of her actions might cause the baby harm instead.

Anonymous

aaa thank you for being so kind with your words! yes, i definitely appreciate and acknowledge all shes done for us especially during my confinement period and everything beyond that. but mother to mother, i feel like she’s depriving me of the opportunity to mother my own son. she has 3 kids— she’s had her moments with them. i just wished she let me have mine with my own son. regarding IFC, its not really an option for us because my husband is the sole breadwinner in the family and im currently a SAHM— looking for jobs atm but so far no luck 🥹

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