9 Replies
Firstly, congratulations to your birth of your daughter. Secondly, I am sure it is not easy for you with the pain and discomfort that you are experiencing after giving birth. You are doing well. The pain can make you feel more grumpy. Thirdly, I agree that your BIL was rude to not seek your permission and instead seek your MIL’s permission. You feel disrespected and like “hello, I am the mom of the baby”, you are the rightful one and anyone other than your husband want to carry should seek yours or your husband permission. You can share your feelings with your husband that you are not comfortable for your anyone to come and visit at the moment because both you and baby needs rest while you nursing your baby and recovering. Express that you would appreciate that he can respect you and have consideration for you as you are recovering. You can let him know your needs and hope he can understand your needs and be your support during this time. Yes, it is your husband for not discussing with you before inviting his whole family to visit the baby. And often then not, we, the mother is always the forgotten one or neglected after giving birth as baby becomes the main attention. Haha. And I am sure our husbands are excited about our new born. 😀 We just have to speak up to our husband nicely. Anyway, speedy recovery and take ample of rest. Take care and stay safe! Let’s Jiayou together 💪🏼
Can I provide another perspective? Looking on the positive side, isn’t it great that your in-laws are happy and excited about the arrival of your daughter! As much as she’s your daughter, she is also your husband’s daughter, your MIL’s granddaughter and your BIL’s niece. I’m sure your husband is excited for his family to meet the little one too. To be honest, I’m not sure I can relate to the issue of asking for permission, because in my opinion, my child doesn’t belong to me.. and I believe my in-laws wouldn’t do anything to harm the child either. If you are feeling uncomfortable, perhaps you can rest in the room? They would probably understand if you don’t feel up to hosting. And let them enjoy the arrival of the baby, and trust that they and your husband will handle the baby with care and love.
I totally feel your pain, monsters in law are the worst! They can be so insensitive and you want to strangle them but for the sake of your husband you have to keep on good terms. Your husband is in the best position to intervene on your behalf! But i feel you, sometimes my husband is blur/don’t see anything wrong so he just keeps quiet. One way is to highlight to him situations that you deem uncomfortable and how he can help you greatly, otherwise it’ll cause you a lot of distress. I told my husband no visitors from his side until after first month (bcos in-law smokes). Hope this helps… and big hugs Mummy!
I know some men are just dumbasses... i did not tell anyone when i gave birth in hospital i only told them after i was discharged, cause some ppl will come and dont know when to go home. My sil also like that when want to come to my house will ask my husband and not me...best part he still ask my permission first infront of her...just ignore ur bil...cause no matter what u still hv to see his face.
y ur hub bring the whole kampong back home.. don't he know u need ample of rest to recuperate. actually also not safe for them to carry baby as covid situation so bad and baby immune is low as well... and ur bil also another weirdo la y go ask ur mil instead of u or ur hub lehx somemore is not ur mil child is urs and ur hub, and ur mil also la didn't ask u... wah u just being filtered off
I feel dont let it affect your mood.. the same happened to me when I had my first born.. just know that everyone who came is sincerely happy and love you and the baby. People who don’t care won’t even bother to text or ask about you or baby. Just ensure everyone who touches baby needs to disinfect or wash their hands first with a mask on. That’s good enough in my perspective
Your BIL sounds like an immature idiot, but it is a one-off scenario so don't anger yourself by paying it too much mind. Your husband really should check in with you before inviting people though as you need your rest and the house is your sanctuary this period. It's time to discuss boundaries if you haven't already. Rest well and congrats on your baby girl!
That is so annoying and disrespectful!! Good to let your husband know how you feel about it and agree on how such situations should be tackled. Can also work out when to allow visits. My husband and I agreed to invite friends over only after 2 months because we were swamped. In any case, congrats on having your new baby girl!❤️
That is so rude! I would jokingly say “huh how come never ask me” or I will tell my hubby that I’m not comfortable and ask him to tell his mum that HE is not comfortable and not to do it again