In laws - Not allowing to visit baby immediately once born

I will be giving birth this month (July 2022) and im gg to be a FTM. I am an introvert and im not very good at adapting to change and esp becoming a new mom so i think i will need time to adjust and just find myself, collect my emotions & thoughts etc. What do you guys think about me not allowing MIL to immediately come and visit me & baby? Is it wrong? I have an ok-ok rs with her. (she has only been nicer to me bcs im pregnant, we didnt rlly have a good past). Am i being selfish or evil? This will be her first grandchild btw. My parents think that its not right. #firstbaby #pleasehelp

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Do what you think is best for you. I am staying with my in-laws and my parents picked me up on the day of discharged. My entire family visited baby at my in-law’s place while I just do my own stuff (sleep eat or just use my phone). I fell out with my MIL while I was pregnant (I didn’t intend to tell her and don’t intend to let her see baby even if she knows. But my amazing husband betrayed me😑) so I packed up and moved to my dad’s place for a month together with my hub. Her attitude changed when she know I’m pregnant so when we moved back, she finally learnt how to talk and act properly (used to be sarcastic and just speak without respect). My dad taught me a lot during the stay and also how to be a DIL. I put down my ego and hatred towards her and I’m super thankful that she helped out with the night shifts during the first month. As FTM, every single help offered is needed especially first few months!! My advice is, since you are not living with your in laws, no point starting a thorn between the both of you, in the end it’s your husband who suffers. Maybe talk to your husband beforehand, ask him to let them know you and baby needs to rest so try to keep the visit short. And you would like to rest while they come over and visit. 😊

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Are you staying with your parents or are your parents allowed to visit you and baby? If yes then it will be unfair for your in-laws. It can cause a friction easily between both parties and we don’t want that to happen. Trust me, some day you will need your in-laws help be it tiny or huge favour and we want to keep some peace, respect and a mutual relationship between all parties surrounding a child. Perhaps you can discuss this over with your husband, see what he thinks. Don’t exclude him cause he’s the baby daddy after all and that is his parents. Without his parents, you won’t be giving birth to the child at all. We know how exciting welcoming a first grandchild can be, I mean all newborns are like that. Let him know what you think or feel, if it’s okay that his parents come visit a later time, as you and baby need to recuperate and rest before receiving visitors. Let you settle down with a routine probably before receiving visitors so that your baby won’t be neglected when they come over. It happens so do let him know. Cause when there are visitors, you tend to forget this and that especially when they are carrying the baby, and in the end the baby will get over-stimulated and you’ll be worried unnecessarily.

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1mo ago

That’s correct, I totally agree. In that case, it’s their loss. They’re not being the bigger person. Let them be. If they help with ill intentions, learn a lesson or two from it then draw a line. So at least we can see for ourselves what they’re capable of doing with our child and can back up ourselves and say Hey look, at least I did allow my in-laws to help me. But it’s just not working out, so thanks but no thanks. Be humble, kind and brush it off. In-laws don’t raise you so they don’t know you. It’s perfectly fine to have limits with people who don’t see you growing up. And it’s completely your rights to not let these people interfere much in your children’s lives.

ur mental health is very important especially after ur delivery. I had the same problem after I gave birth with my MIL. MONSTER IN LAW. She came visit me and baby on the day I got discharged and came home from hospital. I was totally shagged, not enough sleep and all I wanted was a good food and good sleep in my comfy bed. but I could not sleep as my mil was there with my 2 other in laws. they stayed here till about 12am. and I was controlling my anger and mood swings and every kinda emotions that kicked in. I voiced out to my husband and it became a big fight. Hais . I think u should really tell ur husband to talk to ur mil or explain by saying , u need alot of time for urself once baby is here. Don't come visit too long. u also need to rest and adapt urself as a new mom.

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1mo ago

you can say visit after the vaccines are done.

it sound like you wasn’t in that good relationship with your MIL in e past.. Just do what make you feel e best.. You need to be in “chill mind” and not stress especially u will definitely very tired after delivery! Don’t care about what your parents or whoever going to say but first, communicate with your husband and let him know your concerns/worries before u reject letting your MIL to come.. For my case, no matter how we invite my MIL, she just don’t want to come because my first born is a girl! She even treated me like known stranger when I was preg.. So now I completely ignored her and let her taste it back and refused to let my girl go near her since she so bias! Be strong mummy to be! Relax and enjoy this special moment!

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if u are staying with ur parents and not allowing ur in laws to visit, thn yes it is wrong. but if u are staying alone, not allowing anyone (ur side, inlaws, friends or cousins) to visit for a time being, thn yes it is ok. it may sound harsh or rude, but remember this is a big change. ur mental wellness, health n well being is more important. if u can manage and has covered everything during ur Confinement period, it is fine to tell them to visit after ur confinement, explain so they understand. take things slowly.

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1mo ago

I understand your pov. But 2-3 days is too much to ask for after giving birth? Understand her excitement but an extra 2-3 days wont do much harm am i right? And yes im staying with my parents.

Just do whatever you think it’s right for your sanity. After giving birth, physical and mental health are the most important. And you need some time to adjust to your new life being a mom. I did told my parents that no visitors (including my in laws) during my confinement for the first 2 weeks as I’ll be giving birth during next CNY period. Yes, my rs with my in laws are bad, they never concern about my pregnancy, baby and health. So I don’t give them face as well.

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Ah, it’s a tricky balance between needing time to recover and adjust and your self needs, vs managing well intentioned loved ones. But given that it’s your MIL I think it’s even trickier to set boundaries without offending. I totally understand cos I may not want visitors at the hospital 😉 I think maybe tell her to visit after a week or so, and give fixed timings cos of baby’s schedule?

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It’s not right at all… just let them visit…. But ask them to inform before they visit so that you are prepared….

if u dont create boundaries from the start, then all the best in future.

let them visit lor. u hide in room rest nvm one mah..