Ask the Expert Series: How to Overcome Relationship Problems After Having a Baby

Hello everyone! Excited to “see” you! I am Audrey Loo, Naluri Mental Health Coach. Together with the team at TAP, we would love to help as many of you manage your relationship after having a baby. Want to feel loved and connected to your partner? This expert session will help you build and keep a romantic relationship that’s healthy, happy, and satisfying. 😍😍Love and trust each other, Always be open 😍😍 ------------------------------------------- Here are some questions asked in our community, and we got the answers for you ✅ 👩How can we build a better relationship after childbirth? 👩‍⚕️ Here are a few ways of strengthening your relationship: 1. Acknowledge change - It's okay to take time to grieve and to adjust to this change, but don't forget to celebrate you and your partners wins! 2. Find humour in everything - This will not only help strengthen your relationship but will also help you get through those tough moments. 3. Keep your physical intimacy alive - Even if you can’t have sex now, you can still hug and kiss! This may not come naturally to new mums, but allowing yourself to rest in your spouse’s embrace can do wonders. 4. Quality time - It is important to have meaningful conversations and time together, even if it's for 5 minutes! Check-in and see how their doing and share how you are feeling too. 👩How can the husband support wife overcome this? 👩‍⚕️ There are several ways you can support your wife, but here are a few: 1. Remember to take care of your own physical and mental health - this is very important! 2. Read up and learn more about postpartum mental health topics, such as postpartum blues/ depression/ anxiety, in case your wife may be showing signs and symptoms. 3. If you have noticed that your wife is struggling, please approach her mindfully and do not force her to seek support if she resists. 4. Don't forget to hug her often, help her out around the house, and remind her of your love and care. 5. Be patient with yourself and your wife! It may take some time for your wife to adjust to this change, but try to remind her of your love for her and take the initiative to suggest ideas for you to bond again. 👩 Should we still do regular date nights? 👩‍⚕️If possible, yes, yes and yes! Time and energy may not be plentiful during this time, so set new realistic expectations and find creative ways to connect! This could be as simple as doing chores together or taking 5 minutes out of your day to check in on

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Expert's Answer: There are several ways you can support your wife, but here are a few: 1. Remember to take care of your own physical and mental health - this is very important! 2. Read up and learn more about postpartum mental health topics, such as postpartum blues/ depression/ anxiety, in case your wife may be showing signs and symptoms. 3. If you have noticed that your wife is struggling, please approach her mindfully and do not force her to seek support if she resists. 4. Don't forget to hug her often, help her out around the house, and remind her of your love and care. 5. Be patient with yourself and your wife! It may take some time for your wife to adjust to this change, but try to remind her of your love for her and take the initiative to suggest ideas for you to bond again.

Expert's answer: Not necessarily. Rather than focusing on how much you communicate, it is more important to focus on having meaningful conversations. Here's how you can have meaningful conversations: 1. Be honest, yet respectful about your vulnerabilities 2. Incorporate fun and lighthearted topics. Humour can go a long way! 3. Have conversations that build each other up, including encouraging comments, and praising your spouse on their caregiving achievements. 4. During times of conflict, be mindful of using words such as "always" or "never". This is one of the thinking traps we often fall into, also known as "all-or-nothing thinking". It can be really hurtful as negative absolute statements brings out feelings of helplessness (discounting their efforts)

I don't have enough time for my hubby due to the newborn. I feel like I have missed him a lot. How can we get close again?

Finding time for your relationship can be hard, especially when your time and energy is focused on your newborn. Adjusting to this change is tough, and your partner may be feeling what you are feeling. Here are some ways you can reconnect with your partner: 1. Spending quality time - Whether you go out for date nights, have meaningful conversations at the dinner table or go to the park as a family, these moments strengthen your connection. 2. Always see the funny side - Find humour in your daily tasks, as this helps you keep your relationship strong and helps with tough moments. 3. Maintain your physical connection - Kissing, hugging and having sex helps strengthen your connection and build intimacy.

Can you share some tips for keeping your relationship alive after having having a baby?

Of course! These are some tips for reigniting the spark in your relationship 1. Find humour in everything - This will not only help strengthen your relationship but will also help you get through those tough moments. 2. Keep physical intimacy going - Even if you can’t have sex now, you can still hug and kiss! This may not come naturally to mums, especially after giving birth, but allowing yourself to rest in your spouse’s embrace can do wonders. 3. Quality time - It is important to have meaningful conversations and time together, even if it's for 5 minutes! Check-in and see how their doing and share how you are feeling too.

Super Mum

Why do Women feel emotionally disconnected from their husbands after having a baby?

Hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, fatigue, and adjustment stress are all part of the package for women to feel emotionally disconnected. However, if this emotional disconnection prolongs and also extends to baby and the people around, please seek support from your community and professional help as you may be struggling with postpartum blues/depression/anxiety. There is no shame in that, as it was found that up to 70% of new mothers in America experienced postpartum blues, and 1 in 7 mothers experienced postpartum depression.

Is there any connection between postpartum depression and relationship issues?

Yes, there is. A parent who is struggling with postpartum depression (peripartum depression) can feel emotionally disconnected from the people around them. This sense of loneliness can lead them to feel unsupported and alone, which can affect their relationships. It is often hard to articulate what they are going through, and they try hard to trudge on with life. So, I think it is important for both spouses and immediate families to read up and educate themselves on postpartum mental health/mental illness, and to know that there is no shame in this and that there are a variety of resources and support available in Singapore.

Does having quality time together help to over come relationship problems?

Yes, it does! Having a protected space and spending quality time together definitely provides more opportunities for meaningful conversations and bonding activities. However, it is also important to remember to communicate respectfully and honestly about any issues that you may be discussing.

Is less communication a relationship problem? How can we overcome it?

Not necessarily. Rather than focusing on how much you communicate, it is more important to focus on having meaningful conversations. Here's how you can have meaningful conversations: 1. Be honest, yet respectful about your vulnerabilities 2. Incorporate fun and lighthearted topics. Humour can go a long way! 3. Have conversations that build each other up, including encouraging comments, and praising your spouse on their caregiving achievements. 4. During times of conflict, be mindful of using words such as "always" or "never". This is one of the thinking traps we often fall into, also known as "all-or-nothing thinking". It can be really hurtful as negative absolute statements brings out feelings of helplessness (discounting their efforts)

Is it normal to dislike your husband after having a baby?

After having a baby, your focus will shift to caring for your baby, which can affect how you view your husband. It is also very common for partners to face more conflicts. In my personal experience, I became more irritable with my husband after giving birth. I realised that this was because I deeply care about my baby, that I only felt safe in trusting MY way of caring for him and led me to forget that my husband also wants the same thing. So, whenever differences in caregiving methods arise, even for simple things like the brand of wet wipes used, I felt unsupported and thought that he was testing my patience. One thing that I’ve learnt is that you may disagree with your husband’s way of raising your child, but remember that you are on the same team and that you both want the best for your child. So, the next time your husband suggests something different than what you would usually do, go easy on him and yourself, and try his way of doing things. You never know, he might surprise

How can we build better relationship after a childbirth?

Here are a few ways of strengthening your relationship: 1. Acknowledge change - It's okay to take time to grieve and to adjust to this change, but don't forget to celebrate you and your partners wins! 2. Find humour in everything - This will not only help strengthen your relationship but will also help you get through those tough moments. 3. Keep your physical intimacy alive - Even if you can’t have sex now, you can still hug and kiss! This may not come naturally to new mums, but allowing yourself to rest in your spouse’s embrace can do wonders. 4. Quality time - It is important to have meaningful conversations and time together, even if it's for 5 minutes! Check-in and see how their doing and share how you are feeling too.

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