To reconnect back with foe?

During my growing up years, I got to know friend C when we were 16 or 17 i think? Friend C has a best friend J. The 3 of us quickly became best of friends. However, gradually C and J fell out with each other and J was very close to me. Eventually C and me also fell out with each other and I remember her cursing my 18th birthday to be my death day. I am 35 this year. Frankly looking back I also forgot what caused us to unfriend each other. Oh yes C has a bf back then and her bf keep want to sian me however I kept my distance away from him. I guessed this guy kept poisoning C about me. I am one that cannot stand unfairness and stand being maligned. C angrily said I wore her old shoes etc. when I did nothing and felt she is childish. I rememebered back then on my 18th birthday I was on the way to pub and celebrate with J and another best friend A, C called me says she got a cake for me and I think she asked me to choose to celebrate with her or J and friends. In the end I gave C up as at that point i feel she is childish and also maglined me with her other friends actually feel C is childish and told me to ignore her too. After the saga, me and J(C's ex best friend) have been contacting each other till today and the other friends. J is also my best friend. However sometimes I feel she has a wall and doesn't really share her deep inner thoughts with me. We quarrelled when we went overseas trip 2 times. When C was my best friend back then, both of us were really close and happy and shared everything and our inner thoughts. Now I am a mother myself and through fb search I saw C also just became a mother. The husband is also not that ex bf anymore. There are a few times I dreamt of befriending with C again. However in reality I am not confident and pretty sure she will ignore me if I fb msg her. Also if I decided to befriend her again, what will J and other friends think of me? I am thinking of reconnecting back since its been so long and her husband is not the ex bf who discord us and we r both mothers now, common topic. Should I try to msg her in fb? If yes what should I say? Or should I not contact her anymore? Also wondering if she is still thinking that I steal her bf then as I did not! #pleasehelp #advicepls

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I lost my best friend too. I had the same thoughts as you. I even dreamt about it. After all, we knew each other since 13. The final straw for the end of the friendship might be a ridiculous reason in everyone’s eyes. But to me, it was a build up of many reasons. She wasn’t there when I needed her. She always prioritised her bf. I cherished our friendship and gave my time to her but it felt really one-way. At the end of it, she got angry because she couldn’t get what she wanted from me. This is also the first time I stood up for myself in this friendship. I tried reaching out to her once but she didn’t respond. Tbh, I don’t even think I have done her any wrong but I cherish our friendship so much. So much that even though I know she’s not the type of friend I want my child to know, hang out and influenced by, I still try to give this broken friendship another chance. Some memories and stories are meant to stay where they are. When nostalgia hits, be thankful we have the memories. Some of us might live in the memories but the other party might have moved on. Even if we reconnect, things might not be the same with the crack between us. I hope you’re happy with your current life now. Take care!

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It's natural to want to just let bygones be bygones and move on with your life.I will visit for help in my essay. But as soon as you do that, you take away any hope of repairing the relationship, which means when you run into this person at weddings, baby showers, and other social events, you'll have to find a new excuse for why you're not talking — and eventually, it'll get old.

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Why not? I think you are overthinking it. Teenagers do stupid things and you are all adults now, I don't think J is going to hold a grudge over what someone did as a kid 20 at years ago.