Aldrene, Philippines

in utero fourteen years and i'm still grieving. fourteen years : i still remember and feel like it was just three days ago instead of actually over a decade, passing, bemoaning my fate.. EROS RILEY he would have been fourteen years old by now. looking back, i can't remember actually feeling scared or feeling physical pain..my heart broken, i was in agony, the heavens seemed to have closed in on me.. i cried a mother's tear when i lost him. in my womb, i carried his lifeless body. i cried. but i had to be strong. i had no one. i accepted my child's fate but could not understand why i had to lose him so soon. before i could even hold him in my arms, feed him, bathe him, shelter him, love him. for some time, i was bitter.. then there was acceptance, with no understanding, no reason.. i continue to grieve for the son i had and lost.. i grieved a mother's grief. i'm still grieving. for when you lose someone you brought into the world, closure is deemed an undiscovered word. you grieve, even when you are happy, even when you are in the company of your family. a chance at life.. did i lose hope?! (i'd like to think not..) i loved a mother's love-- unbidden, unselfish, unconditional, unrequited… i loved and lost.. had my heart broken yet again.. i learned, and am still learning.. the birth and death of my first child made me reflect on all the days before, when such a thing seemed impossible, and all the days after, when i knew better. i guess, i just had to learn the hard way. "he was my sweetest downfall, i loved him first.." 2006 718 0133H "I loved and lost… Had my heart broken yet again… I cried a mother's tear-- silent, bitter, anguished. I grieved a mother's grief-- relentless, unending, pained. I loved a mother's love-- unbidden, unselfish, unconditional, unrequited… I learned, and am still learning-- the birth and death of my first child made me reflect on all the days before, when such a thing seemed impossible, and all the days after, when I knew better." ~aco4th #Excerpts #ErosRiley #InUtero now, a chance at love and life. my second chance. This could very well be God's way of saying, "yes child, now is the time..." i've had an angel for 14 years. soon, i shall have my very own defender!💗#Alistair #InUtero #AOGWeek29 #theasianparentph