#pregnancyloss #misscarriage
Last year, May 2023 when I surrendered our first angel to God, my premie was with us for one day. Exactly one year, on her first birthday, we found out that we again were pregnant, with a minor complication - a subchorionic hemorrhage.
This June 18, 2024 - woke up with minor vaginal bleeding. Immediately went to get an ultrasound, my ob was not available that day so the sonologist doesn't want to give any comment yet nor to confirm but when she showed me the screen, I saw it with my own eyes - my baby doesn't have a heartbeat.
She said, I need to wait for my ob which will be available the next day and I should rest but if the bleeding will progress, I can call them.
Got home from the ultrasound clinic around 3pm and had the heavy bleeding around 8pm. That was the longest 5 hours I have had in my life. Having to sit there in my room, waiting for what will happen next, contemplating whether to accept it whole-heartedly or still wish for some miracle. I am still denying it since I don't have yet the official reading with my ob, convincing myself that I still have my baby with me, that my ob will call and inform me that my baby is fine and I just need to rest and drink some medicine. Then there's also a part of me that just wanted to accept our faith, that we again have another angel with God - and so I asked Him, I begged for a sign, then here, I stumbled upon this verse "It is all clear, when it is God's will."
God already answered me, I don't need to be confused, I don't need to pretend. So I prayed again this time, asking for His embrace. I asked Him for calmness and peace, I poured my heart out like a child hungry for her mom.
After a few minutes, contractions and heavy bleeding begin. Right there and then - I knew, I sent back another angel to Him.
"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints"
1 Corinthians 14:33 KLV