Ask the Expert: Nurturing Emotional Intelligence From Early Childhood

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. We are all unique, each with our own personalities and behaviors. While I don’t know your daughter’s age, if she’s younger than 5 or 6 years old, it’s quite normal for children of this age to be shy. To little ones, strangers can feel like a source of danger, which is why she may hide behind you—she sees you as her safe space and protector. Allow her to listen to her instincts when it comes to approaching strangers, and don't pressure her to speak with people she’s not comfortable with. If she’s able to play with children her own age and engage with familiar adults, like grandparents or teachers, there’s no need to worry. She will gain confidence by observing you in social situations and gradually learn how to navigate them herself. All the best!

Dear Sabrina, Thank you for writing in. It is normal for toddlers to scream and cry for no apparent reason. While they experience the same emotions as older children and adults, they don’t yet have the language skills to express them. Instead of saying, "I feel upset that my toy broke," a toddler might show their frustration through behaviors like throwing things, pushing, or even trying to bite. I would also encourage you to acknowledge your own frustration—parenting can be exhausting and challenging at times. Often, our children’s behaviors can trigger old wounds from our own childhoods, such as feelings of helplessness, lack of control, or insecurity when they cry or misbehave. It's important to stay calm when he's crying and comfort him with your presence. The more relaxed you are, the faster your child will be able to calm himself. All the best!

Dear Felicia, Thank you for writing in. At 2 years old, children are in an exploratory phase of development, trying to make sense of the world around them. While they experience the same emotions as older children and adults, they don’t yet have the language skills to express them. Instead of saying, "I feel upset that my toy broke," a toddler might show their frustration through behaviors like throwing things, pushing, or even trying to bite. These are all normal and typical behaviors for a toddler. I encourage you to acknowledge your own frustration—parenting can be exhausting and challenging at times. Often, our children’s behaviors can trigger old wounds from our own childhoods, such as feelings of helplessness, lack of control, or insecurity when they act out. When our survival mode kicks in, we may react in ways we don’t intend. It’s important to remain calm when he’s having a meltdown. You can set boundaries by holding his hands gently and saying something like, "I’m here with

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. This is a tough one. Nothing really prepares us for the exhaustion of early parenthood. It makes sense that you are more irritable and get impatient. Is there any way you can get more rest? Maybe someone could watch the baby while you take a break? I truly believe that happy moms are good moms. It’s also helpful to check in with yourself and see if you might be setting unrealistic expectations. As moms, we need to aim to be "good enough," not perfect. It’s incredibly hard to regulate our emotions when we're sleep-deprived, hungry, tired, angry, or lonely. Remember, it truly takes a village to raise a child—see who can be part of your support network. Also, don't forget that our bodies go through so much during and after childbirth, which can contribute to feelings of irritability too. The fact that you’re writing in and seeking advice shows that you are a caring and thoughtful mom. Wishing you all the best!

Dear Anon, thank you for writing in. This is a common concern for many new moms. It’s actually very healthy for babies and children to be exposed to different caregivers who love them. I’m assuming you spend more time with your baby than your husband does, so when he comes home, your baby may see him as a "new face" and become curious. This is completely normal. I’d also encourage you to reflect on the feelings that come up for you when your baby prefers your husband. Do you feel rejected or frustrated, especially because you’re putting in so much effort to care for your baby? I believe in the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child," and the bond you share with your daughter is incredibly special. No one can ever take that away from you. All the best!

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. We are all unique, each with our own personalities and behaviors. It is quite normal for children of this age to be shy. To little ones, strangers can feel like a source of danger, and retreat to familiar faces who are their safe space. This could be a phase that she would soon grow out of. Maybe she is in introvert who needs her time to get acquainted with new people. Allow her to listen to her instincts when it comes to socialising with others, and don't pressure her to speak with people if she is not ready. One way to teach socialization is to organise a play date with one other child and that child's mom. She will gain confidence by observing you in social situations and gradually learn how to navigate them herself. All the best!

Dear Anon, thank you for writing in. I am sorry to hear that you had a rough and stressful pregnancy. That can certainly take a physical and emotional toll on a mother. I hope you are able to prioritize taking care of yourself now. The greatest gift we can give our children for their emotional well-being is our own emotional health. The more you take care of yourself, the better equipped you'll be to care for your baby. Babies are very attuned to our emotions—they absorb our feelings and energy, and they can sense our anxiety and sadness. If you continue to face stressors in your life, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor who can offer support. Additionally, it may be worth considering what helps you relax and cope better with your stress. What support system do you have in place to assist with caring for your baby? How do you manage to care for yourself while also taking care of your baby? These are important questions to reflect on as you navigate this challenging time. All the

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. At 2 years old, children are in an exploratory phase of development, trying to make sense of the world around them. While they experience the same emotions as older children and adults, they don’t yet have the language skills to express them. Instead of saying, "I feel upset that my toy broke" a toddler might show their frustration through behaviors like shouting, crying, throwing things, pushing, or even trying to bite. These are all normal and typical behaviors for a toddler. The newborn brain is 25% of the size of an adult brain, and by the time a child reaches two years old, it has grown to about 80%. This period is marked by rapid brain development, and toddlers often experience frustration when their bodies can’t keep up with their growing ideas and desires. They express this frustration through their behavior. It’s important to remain calm when he’s having a meltdown. You can set boundaries by holding his hands gently and saying something l

Dear Anon, thank you for writing in. I am sorry to hear that you had a rough and stressful pregnancy. That can certainly take a physical and emotional toll on a mother. I hope you are able to prioritize taking care of yourself now. The greatest gift we can give our children for their emotional well-being is our own emotional health. The more you take care of yourself, the better equipped you'll be to care for your baby. Babies are very attuned to our emotions—they absorb our feelings and energy, and they can sense our anxiety and sadness. If you continue to face stressors in your life, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor who can offer support. Additionally, it may be worth considering what helps you relax and cope better with your stress. What support system do you have in place to assist with caring for your baby? How do you manage to care for yourself while also taking care of your baby? These are important questions to reflect on as you navigate this challenging time. All the

Dear Anon, thank you for writing in. Thank you for reaching out. Children learn empathy by observing their caregivers show empathy and love. As a parent, you can model empathy toward yourself, your child, and others around you. Over time, your child will gradually absorb these qualities from you. While young children may sometimes struggle to express empathy, it is absolutely a skill they can develop by watching and learning from those around them. Wishing you all the best!