Need some point of view and no judgement please... i am a mother of 1 and since my kid was born we have more or less decided to have just one kid as I was quite overwhelmed and do not have any room for other kids. We definitely know the advantages of having another child but I feel right now that's all I could handle... The fear of having another child was so bad that when I dreamt of it and woke up like a nightmare.
And it really happened, found out I was pregnant recently and I am half decided to get it terminated. I know it's definitely bad and selfish for me to think this way but I had my worries. My kid has special needs and this journey caused lifetime worry to us and it's very REAL. I am very worried if #2 have the same issues as it can be genetic. We are also in our comfort zone of having to concentrate of loving one child, and afraid of getting stretched to give each attention, while I will be juggling with 2 kids without help. Marriage might suffer due to too much time invested in kids. Their age gap will be big, i dont find much a strong need to find them as playmates.
I'm now a bit confused and not confident if i can really give birth in this kind of mentality. My hubby isn't too pleased but encourage to give birth for responsibility, don't want to get karma for abortion and believe this pregnancy came for a reason for us. I dont even know if these reasons are even good enough to carry on to give birth, since he hardly helps out with #1. The cons seems to be greater than the pros...
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Hi , thanks for paying attention and replying to my concerns as it has been quite sometime since the last post. As there is a deadline for terminating before the risk gets higher at certain week, we (or rather I take the decision more) decided to terminate the pregnancy. A few days after the termination, I was really sad and broke down infront of hubby for not showing more concern as he was acting even more calm than me after the procedure. Although sad, but I did not regret the termination but rather, I regret more that I should have done birth control earlier to prevent it.
I understand that its important to be positive and hoping #2 will be neurotypical, etc. But the risk increased with #1 having it and it is a heart breaking journey full of uncertainties and require more support, but nevertheless we love him very much, but his diagnosis is something that we do not wish on anyone including our enemy. I have rule the pros and cons using my head instead heart because ultimately, I will be the one coping with them day in and out. For parents who have #1 being autistic and #2 being NT, chances are parents aren't aware their #1 have symptons or are already pregnant with their #2. Or you will realized usually the special needs child is the last child and ends at that. In one of the support groups I joined, a mum have suicidal thoughts.
I grateful for all of you sharing your experience and I respect your advices and point of view. We have since then done temporary birth control as recommended by the doctor. As in why we didn't do anything these years, my #1 still latches on me and I have taken for granted that I do not get pregnant easily.