Need some point of view and no judgement please... i am a mother of 1 and since my kid was born we have more or less decided to have just one kid as I was quite overwhelmed and do not have any room for other kids. We definitely know the advantages of having another child but I feel right now that's all I could handle... The fear of having another child was so bad that when I dreamt of it and woke up like a nightmare.
And it really happened, found out I was pregnant recently and I am half decided to get it terminated. I know it's definitely bad and selfish for me to think this way but I had my worries. My kid has special needs and this journey caused lifetime worry to us and it's very REAL. I am very worried if #2 have the same issues as it can be genetic. We are also in our comfort zone of having to concentrate of loving one child, and afraid of getting stretched to give each attention, while I will be juggling with 2 kids without help. Marriage might suffer due to too much time invested in kids. Their age gap will be big, i dont find much a strong need to find them as playmates.
I'm now a bit confused and not confident if i can really give birth in this kind of mentality. My hubby isn't too pleased but encourage to give birth for responsibility, don't want to get karma for abortion and believe this pregnancy came for a reason for us. I dont even know if these reasons are even good enough to carry on to give birth, since he hardly helps out with #1. The cons seems to be greater than the pros...
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Just an update... my hubby initially doesn't want the pregnancy and we have made this mutual agreement together. But suddenly at night after work, he told me he confirm wants the baby because he finds that this is the morally right thing to do, and will try to help as much as he can. As much as I wanted to support his decisions and keep that faith, but deep inside I have no strength to carry on this pregnancy. He doesn't help out with our current child when he was younger, never did housework, works on weekends and PH... If he helps this time, I dont even know if its out of obligation and i scared he regret. Since he is the sole breadwinner, he will be under tremendous stress too. On my side I don't know if I can handle 2 of them at all even though he finds me independent all along. I have put a lot of energy and patience on our son until i don't have any desire for other kids. Now as I am hanging around outside, I don't even feel anything when I see babies. I really don't wish to disappoint my hubby and son but my inner thoughts is really pushing hard to terminate the pregnancy. I wish to find some positives but the negatives really outweight it... imagine myself with totally no help and my son needs so much attention, not independent enough. Sigh...