Need some point of view and no judgement please... i am a mother of 1 and since my kid was born we have more or less decided to have just one kid as I was quite overwhelmed and do not have any room for other kids. We definitely know the advantages of having another child but I feel right now that's all I could handle... The fear of having another child was so bad that when I dreamt of it and woke up like a nightmare.
And it really happened, found out I was pregnant recently and I am half decided to get it terminated. I know it's definitely bad and selfish for me to think this way but I had my worries. My kid has special needs and this journey caused lifetime worry to us and it's very REAL. I am very worried if #2 have the same issues as it can be genetic. We are also in our comfort zone of having to concentrate of loving one child, and afraid of getting stretched to give each attention, while I will be juggling with 2 kids without help. Marriage might suffer due to too much time invested in kids. Their age gap will be big, i dont find much a strong need to find them as playmates.
I'm now a bit confused and not confident if i can really give birth in this kind of mentality. My hubby isn't too pleased but encourage to give birth for responsibility, don't want to get karma for abortion and believe this pregnancy came for a reason for us. I dont even know if these reasons are even good enough to carry on to give birth, since he hardly helps out with #1. The cons seems to be greater than the pros...
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I have a friend whose elder has special needs too and it took her quite long to have another one and he was ok.
I put myself in your situation and I think I may opt for ending this pregnancy because with two the efforts and drain on parents will be a lot. Especially if you say your husband doesn't help out much, having another one may make matters worse and it won't be good for both kids to grow in a stressed relationship.
Also after both you and your partner pass away, the burden is on the younger sibling to take care of the older one. I won't wanna give my child this kind of stress.
Also like you say there is a risk of the second one having the same genetic problem. To me the cons outweigh the pros.
To be responsible I think you and your husband need to take precautive measures in future so that you won't end up pregnant again