Post Partum Depression

Giving birth to my first child was beyond difficult.  I lost my breath and left my body. It was a near death experience(NDE) for me. I could hear and feel everything the doctor and the nurses say and do but my soul wandered somewhere else. It was not a flash of my entire life before my eyes nor a bright light I am trying to catch but rather a dark endless passage with burning torches mounted to colossal pillars. I saw and felt my self running in that passage anxiously crying, screaming and searching for my loved ones but there was no place to go and they were all nowhere to be found. It was a constant run in the frightening dark until I recovered and was able to grasp into life once more. I was crying when I awoke. I was in extreme thirst. I was in intense fear - fear of being alone. I was able to live my life once more. First few days I was happy until I realized I knew nothing about being a mother to my child then the next days up to now became surge of negative emotions. My life is completely strange. I am furious, guilty, upset, exhausted, pressured and etc.. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like drowning from my frustrations even so I didn't feel like hurting my baby.  I love my son so much but i can't get hold of my emotions. This must be the so-called post-partum depression and I know it is getting worse. Though I have my mom and my husband's support, their comfort only feels like a temporary relief. This is my fear. I am feeling alone. I did not go past through the dark passage from my near death experience I am still there. I am in the dark and I am alone. It is getting cold I wanted ten thousand hugs.. It is getting tough, I needed a hundred more sweet words. These must be a lot but maybe, just maybe they're all I need. **i wrote this about 2 weeks ago. 4 weeks postpartum. Somehow nakatulong sakin yang pag sulat mg kung ano yung nararamdaman ko. Gradually nawawala din yung PDD. As of now medyo okay naman nako. Need mo lang ng support mommy saka ng makakausap na makakaintindi sayo para makaraos sa post partum depression. Palakasin mo loob mo at wag kakalimutan magdasal. Humanap ka ng outlet kung saan gagaan pakiramdam mo e.g sakin pagsusulat, music, etc..

I lost my first baby last april 8 at 5 months..it was very sudden, no signs and no pain. Only then i came to realized the impact of my dream to be a mother then it was taken away from me just like that. Nakatulala ako , kusang tutulo ang luha and i keep on questioning myself why it had to happen. I would often take myself back to being pregnant with my tummy growing. I would reminisce the time when i was still with my boy. It was very painful then, and it is still very painful now. It is very depressing that it scares me to be alone dahil alam kong maninikip na nman ang dibdib ko kakaiyak. Tomorrow marks my baby’s first month in heaven pero walang nagbabago sa nrramdaman ko, sa Panginoon ako kumakapit, nagmamakaawa sa Kanya na ibalik nya skin ang anak ko kya nagpapagaling ako ngayon, gusto ko ihanda ang sarili ko para sa pagbabalik ng anak ko kapag niloob na ni Lord.

Mahirap magkaron ng ppd. Parang akala mo,mababaliw o nababaliw ka na. Feeling mo,nagiisa ka at wala kang kasama. Yung feeling na walang nakakaintindi sayo. Ang pinakaaganda gawin,is tonbe open about it. To your partner or husband,to your close friends and family. Because you need their support and understanding. Need mo ng support group to help you. It helps din to find what helps calm your mind. Like for example,yung iba,kahit sa labas lang ng bintana o tumingin lang sa labas and breathe in and out lang. Listen to relaxing music,and close your eyes and alisin lahat ng isipin. Focus ka lang sa sound sa headset mo. Para kumalma. O kaya,put every thoughts sa papel or diary. Makakatulong na isusulat mo lahat ng nararamdaman mo. Cos its a sense of release ng pressure sayo,at stress. Try a meditation that works for you.

Yes everyday I feel sick. I am fighting ppd everyday. I feel tired. There are times I cry, I am easily irritated. I sometimes say to my husband" You will miss me someday when I am gone." I know it's Ppd. I sometimes think of taking my life. I tell all of these feelings to my husband so that he is aware that I am struggling depresion. But I pray, I ask God to make me a godly mother; to take away the evil thoughts in me, to take away the sadness and tiredness in me. I cry whenever I feel like am giving up then I pray and plead God to help me fight this battle. Ppd is not easy. It's tough and it's suck. Let's not give up mommies. Let God strengthen our minds and our bodies. That He may give us the spirit of courage and strength to fight post partum depression.

Na miscarriage ako last year mamsh. Akala ko walang PPD yun. Meron din pala. Grabe iyak ako ng iyak, pakiramdam ko nasa lowest point ako ng buhay ko. Ganun ang pakiramdam, pero hindi ko alam kung ano mismo yung nagti trigger sa lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Nung napapadalas na yung pag atake ng depression, alam ko that time umookay na ako sa miscarriage ko emotionally. Kaya alam kong hindi yun ang dahilan. Mahirap mamsh. Pero, laking pasalamat ko aa husband ko kasi sinusuportahan niya talaga ako. Kahit minsan hindi niya rin ako maintindihan, hindi niya pa rin ako pinapabayaan. Kaya sa may mga PPD or nakakaranas ng PPD, lakasan lang natin ang loob natin and we’ll surely get through it. And of course, don’t forget to pray ❤️

Omg! Yes! The tiredness yung iyak ni lo, stress nagkapatong patong, since no onee help me sa pagkapanganak ko I fight kasi halos naiisip konang kawawa si lo sa sobrang depress kona nadadamay ko nasiya sa away namin ng tatay niya na walang trabahi mula nagsama kami tapos walang hiya wal pang pang gatas san ako huhgot wala nadin ako then ayun kung yung walang hiyang tatay nalang na walang bayag ang iisipin ko walng magyayari sa buhay ko kaya iniwan ko ngayung 3 na anak ko gusto hiramin ni walang pinaghirapan ang pisti! Anonyun pagkatapos ko itaguyod anak ko gudto hiramin.

Yan pla un piling q meron din aq nyan kc mairitahin aq at mgagalitin pero dq mailabas sa asawa q kc ayaw q sya mamoblema skin ang problema tuloy dndala q lahat nasa ibang bansa kc sya kaya iniisip q kalagayan nya lalo na ngyon covid pa apektado din sya ang hirap ng panahon kc ntin ngyon sabay sabay dami bayarin, d mklabas , walang trabaho , pati inaasahan mo wala kaya madepress ka tlga.. pray nlang tlga mkakatulong stin🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

My baby is already 11 months but I'm still battling with PPD. Last night, me and my hubby had a heart to heart talk about issues in our relationship including my depression. Ang sarap s pkiramdam na nailabas ko s knya un ksi kng hnd, baka kng ano pa nagawa ko s srili ko at s anak nmin. Hnd porket tumtawa ay masaya. Nililibang ko n lng srili ko at maswerte ako s asawa ko dhil naiintindihan nya ako pag tumatama depression ko..

Nakakastress, nakakaiyak kunting bagay iyak, ang bilis magalit, laging nakasigaw, sa paningin ko sobrang kalat ng bahay, pakiramdam ko hindi ako nakakapahinga at walang tumutulong sa akin pero sa totoo lang todo support na husband ko.. Kami lang kasing 2 dto sa bahay nmn at FTM ako.. So ang ginawa ko sinabi ko lahat kay husband nararamdaman ko..ayon so far hindi na ako masyado nag iisip..

Meditation sis and support group. I have friends and family. So if im sad, i call then up or ask them to visit me.. nakikinig naman sila and marami talagang family members tumulong. Also, if ur on the verge of losing control sa emotions, pause before mg react. 😀 we all go through post partum blues.