toxic mother

I think I'm one of the rare people who dont hav e a doting mother. Since young, she has been verbally and physically abusing me. There were many evil deeds that shes done to me that make me unable to respect her. The only time she was super enthusiastic was when I was getting married so she could ask for alot of monies and betrothal gifts from my hubby's family. But she didnt help me at all for the wedding, when I suffered miscarriage while renovating and moving into my current house, when I was preg, when I gave birth and even now. She would suddenly appear once in every 3 to 4 months to see my children and claims how much she loves us and that she would come help me with household chores every week. But after every visit, she would mia for another 3 to 4 months. I am very pissed with her especially after delivering #2 in feb. She only appeared twice (once when I just reached home from hospital and another when phase 2 just started). I feel that she always mia when I need her help and only appear after everything is settled. When #1 was 5wo and unwell I called her to accompany me to the clinic (being ftm with no CL), she just said shes busy and hung up on me. Sometimes she wont reply my messages. While these happened I can see photos of her going out with my sil being posted on social media. It is also maddening that she keeps claiming credits for anything concerning my children (but come on, you are not even around) and tell everyone that my children love her more than my in laws. She is very unappreciative also, I ever helped her and her husband paid off their debt and after that she said I had motives for helping. I am thinking to cut off ties with her, I dont feel like dealing with her anymore. Am I too extreme?

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There are many mothers out there show more cares to children who they think can provide and take care of them when old. It's really sad to see the children who got sidelined. I witness two cases within my closed family circle but this give me a lesson not to repeat this on my children. All children should get the same amount of cares and loves regardless of their gender and their capabilities. Don't penalize anyone (eg. the more capable one to make all of them the same level just because you prefer the less capable one) if they can achieve more from their own effort and luck. But don't cares only for the capable one too as they are not our tool. If your mom like to Mia, then let her mia and entertain her like a guest when she appear again. Erase her from you sos list and dont expect anything from her. Severe tie with her will only make you looks bad.

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3y ago

Thing is my mother is trying to treat my #2 the way she treats me, which I detest. I'm the middle child and only girl anyway. She openly shows a lot of affection for my #1 but simply ignored my #2. She does the same to my second cousin (her sis' middle child). I dunno what's her objective but I find her rather sick. Yes she can mia all she wants, but it irks me when she appear all of a sudden after a few months to claim how much she loves us blah blah blah. Shes a compulsive liar also. She used to tell her sis that she would teach my kids how to mistreat me in front of me. I dunno what else I can do other than severing ties with such a toxic person.

If I'm in your shoes, I would minimize my contact with her as well as lower my expectations of her. It seems like a part of you crave for her motherly affection but she may be steering clear to avoid developing more bad vibes between the two of you. Sometimes it is healthier for everyone, mentally and emotionally, to distant ourselves. If she prefers to meet once every 3 months then make it once every 3 months.

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3y ago

Thanks, I think this makes sense.

I'm sorry you had to go through this since young. I did however did hate my mum too when I was younger but we somewhat 'reconcile'. I still dislike her sometimes . But for your case, since she always on and off MIA, I think best way is to cut ties with her.

Nope, after my mil find out my sil having a girl too she didn’t bother about seeing my girl anymore. when she ask to video call or come without telling i pretend i’m sleeping or baby sleeping


Have you try talking to her ask what's the issue? I don't think there no parents who don't love their child maybe they just don't know how to show it? Or show it in a wrong way?

3y ago

She also said I caused my younger bro to be born cleft lips. Thus my younger bro hates me since young. As he was told since baby I cut his lips.

She will wake up when u n ur children cut ties with her. Ur absense speaks the loudest.

3y ago

Given her personality, she will wake up and start haunting me using Maintenance of Parents Act against me when she turns 60.

Yup cut her off please

3y ago

How to cut off ties? Just block her from my phone and social media? There is no way I can legally estranged from her in Singapore.