My Son doesn't like me
Ansakit po. Marinig mong mga to na hindi naman nila alam ano yung dahilan bakit hindi ka pinipili o sinasamahan ng anak mo. Minsan pag may nagtatanong sakin kung kamusta yung hindi nakikita yung anak mo araw araw, I just would like to avoid the topic kasi baka maiyak lang ako. My son is not close to me. He doesnt want me around. He chooses his grandma or his daddy or his aunts over me. Feeling ko hindi nya nga ako love eh. Yes, totoo po. Ive cried alot regarding this and truly hurts the most. I may not be perfect but Im doing my best as a mom (God knows how im trying to be at my best). Im a working mother and I only get to see my son during weekends. Nagrerent lang kasi kami ng room ni hubby sa manila pag weekdays kaya hindi kayang maisama si baby. Hindi ko din afford kumuha ng yaya at umupa ng malaking bahay. Its not my choice to be away from my son (who would want that? Buti na lang andyan si mama ko na walang hinihinging kapalit sa pagaalaga) but I have to work together with my husband to sustain our living. I feel guilty kapag may sakit sya and hindi ako makauwi. If I were to choose between working and being a full time mom? Id choose the second option. Kaso wala poor tayo eh kaya kayod lang ng kayod. The first months after giving birth was okay. However as months pass by lalong lumalayo loob ng toddler ko sakin. There were times that he would specifically ask his lola (my mom) to make his milk and would cry and scream out "Ayaw mama!" if i will offer to make his milk or even bathe him (ansakit sakit momshies!). Ive been thinking na fit ba ako maging mom nya? Am I doing it wrong? Ano bang mali kong ginagawa? Wala ba akong kwentang mama? (Wag nyo po sana ako agad ijudge kasi im exerting all my time and effort pag nasa bahay kami ni hubby.) Minsan, sinisi ko pa sa breastfeeding kasi saglit lang ako nagbreastfeed. Minsan pag may quotes about sa pagiging nanay hindi ko mashare kasi baka may magreact na kesyo ganito ganyan. Sana mahal din ako ng anak ko because I love him so much and I would spare my life for him. Ive been battling anxiety because of this and its not a joke. I envy the full time moms na hinahabol ng mga anak nila kahit pupunta lang sa cr. I always think na sana ganon din yung anak ko sakin. Andami kong what ifs and mga sana sa pagiging nanay ko until this time.
