The parents...

TLDR: having issues with own parents over money and attitude. Need to rant. 1. I am the youngest in the fam. Salary climb was higher than my sibling. I went on to support my parents more. Giving them allowance, share of bonus, paying their insurance, housing loan, cpf top up, long term medicination and the list goes on. My elder sibling, had a decent job, pays slightly but due to spending habit, always get off the hook on family responsibilities. Parents never ask him for allowance. I didnt get calculative with my sibling. Moreover sibling was saving to get marry, buy house and raising kid. Simply, if i can afford more. I do it. 2. Times changed, im preg w twins. The upcoming costs worry me. Weekly ADC scans, supplements, future care (confinement / helper), commitments at home (hdb loans and all). Thankfully... my sibling got a huge promotion and willing to share the fam allowance 3. Parents now got allowance from him. And their reaction was.... "where's your share?". How great. When i have been giving every month since age of 20 and now 35, this qn wasnt raise to my sibling at all. 4. Yup. All i got was a word of "ok" as replies these days. Maybe because im not the payer anymore. When i defended myself to my parents on the allowance, they argued that they treated me as good, bought food for me without claiming back etc. Honestly small amount. But they can buy takeaways for my sibling family daily as they went to help care for the kid (even though sibling didnt give a single cent). I felt is only right sibling now take over the allowance now having more financial freedom and since parents spending is on them. 5. I felt used and just reaped off. Years of giving them allowance and covering their expenses to get such treatment. 6. My parents, has never visited me not mentioned about visiting me at my place during my pregnancy. (yup is far, but if they want to, i can pay for grab). The agony? My in-laws staying near them, can make a trip down just to pass me food and tonic without fussing over travel journey. I asked my parents, the ans.. "you are bearing their grandchildren ma...." how great again. 7. I dont want to have bad feelings towards my parents. Maybe hormone changes or emotions overrule. Im really affected. Im angry at myself for allowing to be used and yet couldnt bring myself to be harsh to say much. 8. I blew up. I went to visit my parents ytd and was also trying to find something left at their place. My mum came in, and kept saying she must have threw away, must be gone and started using those irritated/inpatient tone (with a raise in her voice). Right from start, i didnt ask for her help. She kept going on and on using the same tone "i told u, is gone. I threw away, u dont believe etc". (She said the item she threw was black but mine was brown, yes similar item diff color). So i raised my voice back at her, saying i dont need her help, i want to be crazy and want to search even though she threw it, i dont appreciate her tone. I feel guilty for raising my voice and saying such things thereafter. Yet i also feel im now worthless in their eyes. 9. Yup i didnt find it. She added on "i told you so". How great. Fine. Tolerate and moved on. So as we talk casually thereafter, i noticed her molar tooth was hanging down. So it was falling but she ignored it! She is blood thinner and told me she dare not extract cause in case bleed non stop. 10. I dislike it when she can neglect her own health and conditions. The way the tooth was hanging... it might have chipped into 2. One half stuck in gum, and the other half hanging. And how has she been eating?!?! Told her to go doc, she would "orh". Delaying and delaying cause need take care of nephew, scare of dentist. Speechless. I was thinking if it chipped, u have a bigger problem (esp on blood thinners) and till then, who is the one being affected... me. Cause i am the go-to person to settle ur hosp bill, visit u to make sure u are not scare at the hosp (yes i went down daily when she was diagnosed w heart condition and first time staying in hosp; sibling working late nights). Im really caught in between my emotions. I feel i have been too good and now for everything i do less of, im viewed as worthless. I wanted to be angry, to hurl back at them, but yet i couldnt bring myself to. I feel guilty just as i raised my voice. Thanks for reading. If u have only criticism, please keep it to urself. I have enough negativity alrdy. Thank u

Anonymous

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For all that you had done for them over the years, you are a truly filial daughter. I guess you truly love them and that’s why you didn’t mind doing more for them over the years. Although you did what you did and ask for nothing in return, but I believe heaven has rewarded you with your lovely twins. To carry a child is already a blessing, moreover you had double blessings, the odds aren’t very high. I do know where you are coming from, and when being pregnant our hormones are everywhere. Perhaps focus on your double bundle of joy and those who put in effort to go extra miles for you, like you mentioned your in laws. Make yourself feel happy and attract positivity. All the best to your pregnancy and congratulations. You are so lucky to have twins.

we re going through the same thing. my parent obviously care for my other siblings more cos they are "richer" despite the fact that I'm contributing and have contributed to the family too. I'm fed up and feeling hopeless with them. in the meanwhile, my hubby and I have better relationship with my in law. so i just respond to those who care more for me. this doesn't goes down well for my mom and she is afraid of losing a daughter to other people. sometimes i am busy with works and doesnt reply her messages and calls. as a consequences, she learn to talk nicely and no more shouting to me now. our relationship improved. my lesson is give more attention to those who appreciate and help you

You are a very filial and thoughtful daughter, who cares very much for your parents although it seems you are not appreciated for it and they do favour their sons more. I know you do not expect returns, but it may be healthier to give only as much as you are comfortable to and they can take your advice/time/money or not. When you have twins, your immediate family will take over as priority, your babies only have you and your husband, while your parents can still rely on your brother who is doing well. Don't feel guilty about it, you are under a lot of stress as well. Have a safe delivery and focus on yourself!

Your parents are so lucky to have you as their kid. As you are pregnant now, I would think is better to let go of things that you can’t control (for eg: ur mum tooth). You already gave ur advice, whether to go or not so entirely up to them. Their life, their choice. No point thinking of unhappy stuffs, because it only affects yourself and not them. I know is hard, but try ok? I would rather you be focus on ur twins & ur health. Congratulations!

Super Mum

Hang in there sis! I know it’s frustrating but they are after all your parents. I guess it’s our burden to carry as kids. Jia you!

May every generation learn and be better than the last

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