Birthclub: November 2022 icon

Birthclub: November 2022



Are these boundaries overbearing?

I have never imagined myself setting rules, and I never did, until I saw them so such things. So these are basically boundaries I set after I seen my in laws do these things to my son. Because I’m a ftm, I also don’t know what to expect, and I had expected my in laws’ behaviour towards my son to be safe since they are all parents themselves, but to my horror, they did many things, and these are the few measures I put in place after what they did. My husband, however, feels that I’m overbearing towards his family members for setting boundaries on how our 3 month old should be treated such as: 1) No alcohol-sniffing or feeding of alcohol to our son (my FIL has been doing this with my SIL’s kids & feeds these toddlers with wine. He has made our boy sniffed alcohol twice right infront of us - we warned him the first time when he tried making our boy sniff alcohol. He still did it the second time with beer anyways) 2) no shaking of our son because my in laws likes to shake him for fun - husband thinks they survived all these shaking and rocking as babies, so LO should do just fine with this treatment. 3) increase the aircon temperature and don’t stand directly under the aircon that’s blowing at top fan speed in the living room while carrying my son who is feeling sick (my FIL claims this action will build his immunity). 4) no waking up of the infant when he’s sleeping ( my MIL used to visit when he was just born and wanted to interact with him. But newborns can only sleep, so she would softly poke him or gently shake him and make noise to wake him up) 5) no putting him on the swing as I feel it’s dangerous, even if my FIL is seated with him (even in normal chair, my FIL almost dropped my baby. Plus, he swings fairly high and I can see the horror in my son’s face. But my FIL scolded my husband for telling him to stop) 6) no shouting at my baby if he cries (my FIL has a habit of shouting at anything and anyone that doesn’t please him) 7) to keep hands and clothes clean before holding my baby (my son has recently developed a habit of licking anything that he sees, so when we carry him front-facing, he would lick the carrier’s hand; when he is carried on our shoulder, he would lick the shirt and neck of the carrier. my MIL is always sweaty after cooking, touches and handles raw meat and food, and she digs her teeth with her fingers after meals, and still requests to carry my boy after these activities) 8) to wear mask around my son if they are unwell but still want to see my son (my SIL and her kids were down with a ‘mild cold but recovering’ but still insisted we bring our baby to the family gathering, which takes place weekly) - I didn’t even want to bring my little one there as he himself had recovered from a cold recently, but she say until so pitiful, like only get to see him once a week, so I compromised. My husband said this was inconveniencing the family. 9) I wanted to use our new baby cot & mattress instead of theirs, that has been stored (non sealed) in their utilities room for at least 4 years, and also crawling with roaches and rodents) - I have seen rats and cockroach in that utilities room before. Even though they said they would air and sun the mattress, and use 2 layers of cloth to wrap it, I still don’t feel comfortable using such old mattress that hasn’t been sealed properly. Many other hazardous actions which is too long of a list to write here. Again, I fully trusted them to be able to handle an infant with care, but they have proven otherwise, so I had to come up with such rules on the spot when I see them doing smth wrong. How do I explain to my husband that I’m not instructing in a rude way, but I’m setting safety boundaries which they never had before?

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