How open are you about your past relationships with your husband/partner?

Question

Hi mummies how much do you know about your husband/partner’s recent ex? Ako kasi super curious about his former relationships, not because I feel threatened, but I feel like it’s part of knowing him. I believe kasi that his past decisions and history make up what he is now, and syempre his past is all part of him. So when we started dating 2 yrs ago, syempre gusto ko malaman why their relationship failed. To be honest syempre I wanna know if there are red flags din sa then-bf-now-husband ko. Ang kaso, matipid si husband magkwento. I understand that he thinks the past is irrelevant to our present relationship, pero di kasi nya maipaliwanag ng maayos how their relationship went. I feel like may kulang kasi I want to know him more pero naghhold sya ng information. From the start ng rel sabi nya dpat open kami sa isat isa so all out ako nagkwento anything from my past. And nakita ko effort nya na iwasan gawin ung bad experiences ko dati. Pero pagdating saknya wala ako masyadong makuha. Tapos nung nakita ko na sa fb yung ex nya dun nadagdagan information na nalaman ko and nconnect-the-dots yung mga past decisions nya.  For example, sabi nya naging member sya ng INC. palagi ko sya tinatanong why kasi walang kwenta yung reason nya, parang mababaw. Later on nakita ko INC pala ex nya pero dndeny nya na dahil sa ex yung decision nya. Tapos nung nagddate palang kami sabi nya ung recent ex nya may anak na. A yr after saka nya nakwento 10 yrs old na pala yung anak (he left an impression na toddler lang yung anak). Tapos sabi nya malayo nga daw age gap nila ni recent ex. Then just last week nakita ko ulit fb ni ex, 2 pala anak and dalaga na yung panganay. Sinabi ko saknya un, ang sabi nya nahihiya daw kasi sya sabihin dati na 2 na talaga anak (consequently I realized na almost 10 yrs siguro age gap nila ni girl). This is not about the ex being a single mom or age gap nila. My issue is bakit hindi nya kaya magkwento ng buo? And bakit nahihiya? Feeling ko tuloy unfair na 100% open ako saknya. May right naman ako to know his past relationships as a wife diba? Pag naghhold kasi ng information I feel being lied to. Is he embarassed by that relationship? I feel like ako kasi dpat confidante nya pero parang nagffilter sya sakin ng mga gusto nyang sabihin. By the way few examples lang yan. Yan lang yung recent. How open are u ba with ur partners? Btw we are married now. #advicepls

Jhoana Mae Dalipe · Answer

bat kase curious ka mamsh? ako di ko na tinatanong mga ganyan sa asawa ko wala naman ako pake sa mga ex nya. di rin sya palakwento. baka di maganda past ng asawa mo kaya ayaw magkwento.

Anonymous · Answer

Ung hubby ko ayaw din nagkkwento ng ganyan. Pero nagkkwentuhan kami ng mga exs pag nasa mood sya, since i trust him 100% tawa tawa lang ako. Hahhahaha lahat kasi ng reason bat sila naghiwalay is dahil sakin. Tapos lahat ng manliligaw ko or mu dati, sya ung reason kung bakit di ko sinagot kaya naglolokohan kami na "ako ang nagwagi" or "sya ang nagwagi". Mamsh. Past may have affected your husbands decisions pero not worthy na pagawayan pa. You have a point naman din about the gaps in the stories kasi it happened to me, I mean nagkwento ako dati about my ex when he asked, sabi ko one day lang ako nagstay sa house ni ex dati then nung sumunod na tanong nya, nasabi ko 2days. It means kasi na may tinatago ako, parang ayoko lang malaman nya. But then that doesn't mean naman na di ko love si bf ko nun na hubby ko nangayon. Baka ganub rin si hubby. Pag ganyan na may gaps ulit, better to ask directly. "sabihin mo na kasi lahat kesa sa iba ko pa malaman, mas okay na sayo na galing diba?". Yan kasi katwiran ni hubby.

Magbasa pa