HUSBAND HATES OUR SON...

Hi mama! I'm in the mental health industry and thought to share some things! It is obviously a very very challenging period of time not only for your husband but also you. You've just gone through traumatic birth yourself, and your husband was also there to witness the entire process. People react differently when they go through a traumatic experience, but a hallmark of trauma is avoidance because confronting the memory is very painful and difficult. Hence, on top of his own stigma / perceptions, it is very very normal that you are finding it difficult to convince him for mental health help. I imagine he would have felt a huge sense of helplessness since he wouldn't have been able to do anything while seeing you fight for your life, and this has created certain beliefs about the baby. It would also make it very difficult for him to bond with baby. What you will need to think about is how to create what we call a "buy in", or an angle to receive help that your husband will accept. And he is likely not going to accept any reason you say that is relating to him needing help or "for the baby" at this point in time as that is too abrasive / confrontational. You know him best so if you can think of an angle that he might accept better please go ahead!! This is what I would suggest with the above context that has been provided. I hear that he is an individual who prioritises you and cares about you a lot. Instead of directly asking him to seek help, you can acknowledge how difficult and possibly traumatic the birth experience is and how it is taking a toll on everyone in the family. Share that YOU would like to speak with someone so that you can be in a better mental space for baby and him, and ask if he can join you in this space. If he says yes, then there you go! If he doesn't, please still go ahead to book an appointment for yourself, and ask if he could accompany you to the appointment. On the day itself, if he is open to entering with you, great, if not, do still enter alone and bring this up with the therapist so they can process the experience with you, equip you with strategies to manage the situation and to move him into active change! In addition, I believe the session would also be helpful for your own mental health as I imagine it cannot be easy going through a life-or-death birth experience and still having to juggle with a newborn and supporting your husband. Lastly, TIMING to hold the conversation is importantly! Don't bring this up when he is hungry / tired or having other priorities or needs unfulfilled. Catch him for a chat when times are a bit more lighthearted / he is more regulated. You are a fighter and we're rooting for you!!