Entitled maid

I am stayhome new mom of 3 months of baby boy. I recently hired a indo maid (34) to help specifically with housework. I can manage house and baby well but my husband insisted to hire maid. She is short, fat and talkative. I'm a very private person and like to be alone with my baby. On 1st day, she tried to rub my arm and try to sweet talk to me. I feel disgusted as I hate people pleaser. On 3rd day, she asked "mdm can I follow you when you oversea?". I'm a very independent person and I hate someone following me when I go outside ( aside from friends and families). I feel obligated to force to talk to her or buy her something when I allow her to follow me. So when I go out alone with baby, she asked " where you go? Where you do? Who you meet?" When my online parcels arrive, she asked " what's inside?? For who??" I gave her wifi password, allow her to go out when she's free, she can take naps during day and everyday, she can eat everything inside the fridge and I give her allowance to go pasar malam. She sleeps at 8pm every night and start work at 7am. She said she scare to go out alone, no friends in sg and want to follow me everywhere. I feel like I have another burden. She pretend to be soo nice to my son in front of me. She keeps saying " oh mdm you have very nice things, baby has all nice things hor" She drinks coffee 2 times a day with sugar, bread ( requested me to get bigger bread for her), finish all chocolate within 2 weeks, eat 2 cups of rice each meal. I ask her go ntuc, she said tired so she buy potato chips, another trip said tired so buy drinks ( ntuc only 5 mins away). I started to feel so suffocated around her. I don't allow her in my room as she tried to wear my shoes. I feel like I have to keep cctv in my room just in case. Btw she can't even mix baby formula with water. How? She forced to carry my baby and I don't trust her as she try to give solid food ( she said she did the same with her babies). Updates: she finished whole huge bag of rice within 3 weeks. I am shocked as my family eat that bag for a year. So I expected it to last at least 2 months. She wakes up at 7 am .. Later than emplor family and every night sleeps at 8pm. Lol she is having too much good time here.

Miki

Got a bun in the oven

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Since your husband decided to hire a helper and you couldnt stop him, you have to align with that decision and adapt to it. Hiring a helper is having a new member in the family. From your description, you have not liked her from the beginning, and both your personalities clashed (private vs. talkative person). Domestic helpers come all the way to work, usually driven by family/personal needs and the longing for a better living. I find her response to the things you have normal. For me, I won't mind the asking and trying on shoes for the first time. I would sit down with her and tell her what of her actions/words made me uncomfortable. I would only be angry if she continued eventho I already told her not to. For your case, did you practise open and direct communication with your helper? We can't expect someone from a totally different culture and background to know what we feel without communication. Some helpers do not have high education and from a different culture, they might not know what is ok/not ok, as employers, we have to guide them. If they are not teachable and/or cannot adapt, then we have no choice but to send her back/change another helper. The fact that you mentioned you feel "disgusted" and "hate" when her intention was actually trying to please you, I think it is best that you send her back. Pls think and plan before hiring a helper. It requires commitment to manage and integrate a person into our home.

From the context, it seems like you don’t like her from the start (the idea of having a stranger intruding your life and worse, controlling with all the whats and whys) but it’s not very nice to body shame someone regardless. It does seems like she may have crossed the boundaries of what she should ask/do. If that’s the case, request the agency to change her? For the stuffs she buys, give what you think is okay and reasonable (2 cups of rice for 1 pax is pretty scary btw), anything extra, ask her to pay for herself. My bottom line is my kid, so if I feel that someone is unsafe for my kid to be around with, I would change her without second thoughts. But since you mentioned she is hired specifically for housework, maybe tell her strictly that you would like her to just handle household chores and not the kid.

Rem helper is someone that works for u, taking salary. Anyone will please their bosses for extra perks (buying her things, giving her more privileges). Just don’t reply her with open ended questions, after meal etc, go back to your room. Eventually she will treat u as a “boss” instead. If she asks questions abt where u go, just tell her “oh I went out”. Don’t replenish any chocolates for her, tell her the chocolate is for Sir, she won’t dare to eat it. Tell her do not touch or go to your room unless it’s for cleaning. And why is she wearing ur shoes??? U shld tell her Dos and Donts, rem ure the boss of the household ! Just tell her “go NTUC and buy so and so now” , dun tell her more

2 cups of rice each meal?? Sure not? You can set boundaries, no? Like One bottle of coffee powder per month, she finishes it earlier then too bad, wait for next month. Tell her that her job is to do housework (cooking too?) and maybe watch out for baby when you’re having a toilet break. Setup cctv in the living room, kitchen and your bedroom is a good idea.

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Miki

Got a bun in the oven

1y ago

one whole bag of rice I bought 3 weeks ago...finished. I just saw her waking up at 7am then slowly start the day while employer went out to work. she sleeps at 8pm. she is having holidays here

Helpers are human too.. I’ve been with 4 helpers - 3 Indonesian & 1 Filipino. 3/4 finished their contract & extended their employments. Only 1 was homesick, so I sent her home to her fam (breaking her contract). If you really can’t tolerate living with one, then don’t get one. Speak to your husband.

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Anonymous

1y ago

You know, when you don’t like something from the beginning, you’ll perceive everything negatively from every aspects. Question your husband first, why didn’t he respect your decision for not wanting to hire one.

I believe she’s also taking advantage of you ? Cause youre lenient and she kind of get away with things alot of times. You need to control her instead of she controlling you. Better to change asap

The best is to speak with agency and have her changed. Cause at the end of day, youre paying her salary. And maybe if you really dont need 1, can tell your husband

Change maid and choose the maid yourself if your hubby still insist of getting one. If not, just hire part time maid if only to clear some housework.

Change maid pls. If you cannot tolerate already at this point when she is still new I doubt you can live with her for 2 years or longer.

TapFluencer

hope u find a helper that is most suitable for you 💕

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