3 AM

I’ve been having thoughts of committing suicide for years. I know i’m not okay, i know i’m depressed, but i gotta stay strong for my baby. If i let myself sink in into this depression episode i might not gonna make the way out. Who’s gonna take care of my baby? But then i realize the more i repress my feelings the worse it will get. I’m a living bomb that’s ticking and about to explode. If you are wondering where’s my man; he’s here. All the time. He always try to give his best for me. He’s a great spouse and an amazing father to my daughter. But despite his best efforts; it’s just not enough... and i dont even know anymore what i need. So i finally texted my mom, at 3 am. I told her that i cant bear it any longer. I need to go home. I can’t stop thinking about jumping off from my balcony. I need to get out from this place — alone. I don’t want to bring my baby. I need to be taken care of as well. Update. Idk why people still can get to this thread so i think i have to make an update. In case you all are wondering hehe. Today is August 2, 2020, and this thread was made 10 months ago. My baby is 17 months old now. We are doing good whereas my mental health, not so much. I am still being suicidal but i managed to keep it in bay. Anxious? Everyday. I haven’t seen any psychologist yet. My day to day routines are basically a working mama from 8 am to 6 pm and a full time mama to a fully energized toddler for the rest of the day, and i think that’s what makes me forget about my mental issue. Anyhow, thank you for stopping by and make some time to leave a warm and kind comment. I appreciate it a lot! :)