In this era, how many of you (as mummies) are bringing up & taking care of your own babies single-handedly (all by ownself)? E.g: Baby bathing, feeding, changing of soiled diapers, cleaning of poo & urine, doing household chores etc. This means fully without asking your own mums or mother-in-laws or maids for taking care of the babies during daytime or even at night. Is it tough by yourself? Do you think this is possible to handle all by the mum herself if she has no one to help out?
I'm a father and I had 1 month paternity leave previously and we have one son. Our son was about 4~5 months old and he can flip, I was taking care of our son for 4~5 days a week and my wife don't stay with me. To make it easy,assume I take care from Monday to Friday at my place and she from Saturday to Sunday at her place. She will come by on 1 day to care for about 10 hours? Basically I have to feed our son every 3~4 hours, change diapers and wash his clothes and etc. Planning and Equipment plays an important part. Feeding chart -> monitor baby feeding *important* Croc sandals & hip seat-> cushion the feet and ease supporting baby. Bouncer chair -> for baby to rest after feeding or while I do exercise. Washing machine & dryer -> wash baby clothes and dry on rainy days Lucky baby changing table -> save my back while changing diapers Changing area beside a sink -> washing baby buttocks when he poop and change diapers. Basically I got a flexible hose that I can wash baby buttocks with easy with my bare hands. Infant poops are not dirty ;) bathing mat -> I don't like bath tub because there is a danger of drowning. Automatic rocking chair -> station for rocking him to sleep oral wipes -> cleaning baby mouth *make life very easy* Non-contact thermometer -> to check baby temp without fear of waking him up Good quality speaker -> To play quality music all day long for myself and baby. Ceiling fans -> I installed ceiling fans in all rooms to keep baby and myself cool. Hot pad (those you put hot water inside) or heating mat -> to keep baby warm when is cold. You can put it at baby feet if you worried your baby catches a cold. (I don't use this much) Man boobs & lullabies ;) -> Helps to coax baby to sleep when rocking chair doesn't work. I over stock on formula milk and diapers. There is no fear of running out of baby supplies. If war comes I can bunk in for at least 3 months with my baby. My baby wt weight was 90% so feeding interval is longer and since I'm a man I have no problem carrying him for long hours even he is heavy. When the baby sleep in cot, I try to take a nap too. I think this help to conserve a lot of energy and make life easy. My mother help me prepare my 3 meals and provide me moral support! No I don't trouble her with feeding and all the heavy duty work. My friends drop by to chit chat too, that helps to lighten the mood. If I don't have to go out work and don't have to plan for future in a perfect world, I don't mind doing this for life time. I earn more than my wife and my company provides my son very good insurance. I must say is the happinest moment of my life, managing my wife is more difficult than baby -.- no punt intended. For a dad, having a son is grooming your future play mate and imparting all your engineering knowledge to him! I don't have a daughter, so I dunno the feelings. Anyway is manageable for 1 kid only but 2 kids will be a nightmare.Read more
i solely take care of my child since he was born till 5 years old... sent him to infant care, playgroup, nursery and kindergarten... fetch him to school early in the morning and then rushed back to pick him up at 7 after work at 6... his classmates parents will often see me running in the morning and in the evening because one min late got to pay $1... need to feed him in the middle of night and everyday i lack of sleep and could not focus at work... one time i woke up so tired and unconsciously fell on the floor badly injured my two front teeth with all blood in my mouth stars around my head as i struggled to feed the baby before i attend to my wound... since he is in school before building his immune system, every month he fall sick twice with one week recovery... i could not even take leave and there is no one to look after him at home, i just prayed he manage to pass the daily temperature test and hope he can stay in the childcare centre till i fetch him... so he was cured with antibiotics every time which could be why he is still so skinny now... i have to wake up super early to cook his porridge and leave it warm till evening for his dinner and pack his bags for school... this is super duper tiring till he is able to eat solids hence is better as i can just dabao from outside... during night time i feel the most lonely while he sleeps peacefully and i will cry myself to sleep... household i do everyday coz he likes to go everywhere in the house hence hygiene is very important... all the daily stuffs (bathing, feeding diapers, playing) i did myself of course... thinking how it will be nice to have a lending hand to help out... got depression and gets frustrated agitated easily and luckily the child still surviving well... we will go outings together so it does help with the depression and i was trained to carry him on my left and a stroller on my right with a big bagpack behind me and go anywhere to enjoy... finally the hardest time has passed when the child becomes more independent... if you are not strong physically and mentally and do not know how to cook like me, please do not try to single-handedly take care of own child... it is quite dangerous for both mother and child... if you been thinking why i didnt seek help from my parents, i cant since i was kicked out by them for being a unwed mother... and my parents feel that if i continued to stay at home with a baby and no wedding held, they will be embarrassed and cant face the neighbours... so i became "orphan" ever since then...Read more
I am a FTWM and just returned to work after 16 weeks of maternity leave. Other than getting confinement nanny to help during the first month, the subsequent months were tackled mainly by myself as a first time mommy. I am the primary caregiver and other than attending to baby's needs, i have to do the baby chores and household chores and the voluminous amt of laundry and the much detested ironing tasks. On top of that, I log on to VPN to work from home during ML. No help from family members and not domestic helper too. My hubby works very long hours and we jointly bathe our baby girl every evening. He does the other tasks like running errands for me, doing the groceries and buying supper :) Since my own mommy is v garang and could juggle full time work whilst handling my sis and I when we were young (no help fr my dad).. I told myself I must be on par with my own mommy. Celiss, yes it is tough, albeit just the 16 weeks for my case. I salute all the SAHM who sacrifice their careers and time to look after their babies. No matter how tough it is, when there is will, there is a way. Tell yourself you can do it and just plan a routine so you at least know what you ought to do next. Although there is no one physically there to help you, being in this IT age, you can turn to forums like this to learn more abt things along the way, get some help and tips and even make friends with fellow mommies. Jia you!!Read more
Yes I am currently doing for my two toddler girls, while currently expecting my 3rd one who is due in a few weeks. Am also looking after my mom who is diabetic, schizophrenic and recovering from cancer. I was a working mum when both my girls were born and both were in infant care while I was working. I never believed in a helper looking after my girls. I still did all the hsework before and after work hours. I only took a helper who I trained to look after my mom who went in out of hospital in late 2016 and 2017. I had just returned to work after maternity leave, so no one was around to look after my mom. Due to several issues with my helper and my job which got too stressful to handle, I finally quit last year and decided to focus fully on things at home. My kids do not attend childcare or preschool at the moment. I am teaching them on my own. It is tiring and chaotic because I have been managing a lot of things with my kids, my mom's many medical appointments and moods, my own medical appointments that I finally asked my husband to help with my mother's appointments, until 3rd one is born. And my sister has been helping out with my mom too, now that I am due soon. Don't know if I will be able to manage with a new born coming soon, since I am full time caregiver to my kids and mother. Moms have it tough in general, whether we are working or staying home full time to be with our kids.Read more
me! for the first month after birth, i have confinement lady, my mom and in laws live away from us and are too old to care for babies. After first month i recover and i am taking care of baby alone with husband's help at night. My baby wakes up every 2-3 hours and have hard time sleeping. i even suspect she has colic as she has been crying a lot. i am also pumping breastmilk every 3-4 hours, 8x a day throughout the night. i am sleep deprived and ask myself the same question above many times. i wanted to care for my own baby but never would have thought for it to be that tough. my hubby is against getting maid or sitter to care for our baby, and because of that i cannot give up. But i am still lucky enough that i get to hire maid for housework like laundry, cleaning, dish/bottle washing and food prep. I still do the cooking. All i can say, whatever pain you feel, remember it will pass, babies grow up and day by day it's going to be better. Care for mine one day at a time. I try to talk myself thru.. Perhaps with this experience, mommy and baby bond will be stronger, perhaps next child will be much easier, perhaps hubby will be damn proud of me. who knows?Read more
Well, I would say that my own mum is the greatest example. She single-handedly raised three children, while having to look after her in-laws and my grandparents while my elder brother and sister are at toddler age. By the time I was born, all my grandparents have passed away. We never had any helper and she did it all by herself. My father was the sole breadwinner and hardly had time to help out around the house. Perhaps the context is slightly different, but she did managed to do it. It is tough for sure and she would have appreciated any help she could get. For some inspiration from mummies of our time, you can have a read at this blogger's post: http://cheeserland.com/2016/06/one-day-as-a-mom-of-two/ I enjoy reading her blog. She handles most of the stuff on her own and now, even has to travel frequently (with her husband, a toddler and a baby) between Malaysia, Singapore and Japan. She is truly an inspiration (in my opinion) how she could cope without any helper.Read more
Ya I think everything is possible . I am also one of the full- time Mom:) Even sometime feel alittle bit tired but it is really give me good feeling that I can be best friend with my daughter all on the way she growing up. I feel this is very precious!
Possible. But I only did so for first one. At times will feel v lonely, cry... Lunchtime is barely ten minutes and that's the only possible meal of the day. I sweep, mop, wash clothes, dishes, cook, fr 8am non stop housechores until 2am. I sneak a 30mins nap when my kid napped. It will get boring but hectic. Once in awhile I took a breather by bringing my kid out to shopping or indoor playground. Now I hv two and am working ptime so occasionally my mum helps. But I hv been there done that and if you ask me, I rather go wrk and hv my one hr proper lunch time. Then again, I miss the christmas when my husb chose to go wrk and only me and my kid celebrated a very lonely christmas... Though lonely, we still found some joy in dancing to ikea christmas ads and some Christmas songs on YouTube... But my heart aches when I recall those times. No one came to find me or asked how I was. My husb was often doing ot or out with frds. It was a lonely yearRead more
I did it all by myself from housework, marketing, bringing kids for extra class, making dinner, all by ourselves (my husband does help out on his off days). We even did our own confinement without any CL. When I am pregnant with my first kid, my pils already tell me upfront if I want kids it will be my own "business" don't expect them to help out. I became a full time mom when we have our second kids as we can't make it on time to fetch my kids from ifc or CC when we both need to OT which is quite common in our line of work. It is tough especially when you are sick as well as the kids; but times like this when make you stronger and come to realise you are more stronger than you think you are. In addition, it make our marriage stronger as we got no other help except each other to support us. We even went travel oversea all by ourself (free and easy trip) without other help for 8 days which many tell us it is impossible but we did it.Read more
I'm a sahm with 4 girls aged from 7mo to 6yo. Basically most stuffs at home fall on me 99% of the time. Occasionally when hb is off from his shift work, he helps with the older girls. Else anything related to the baby is all me, especially cos I'm doing tbf. My parents are both working, and usually have their weekends packed with programmes as well. Inlaws.. Stay far (and no thank u). I find that the physical exhaustion is still bearable, but the mental stress from having to keep nagging and disciplining really drives me mad. Fortunately my older girls are still quite independent, so things like feeding, cleaning up, showering and changing, I can mostly leave it to them to do on their own or help one another. So yes, it is achievable. And perhaps it will even be rather enjoyable if u had fewer kids, more obedient/quieter kids, or have lower expectations of yourself/housework/children's behaviour.Read more
If he complains then ask him to do it, everyone cleanliness standard is different :>
It is possible. During the interim (2mth )while waiting for my new helper to come, i had to do everything on my own. That includes waking at 5am to prepare breakfast for the family , prepare 2 elder boys for morning Primary school. After which i have to go market, simple sweep and mop then cook lunch and serve it to my dementia 88 yr old FIL by 1130am. 115 leave house to pick the 2 primary boys. Starts preparing dinner at 4 and serve my FIL by 530 and the family at 7. About 8 do dishes and help go through homework and pack and they turn in by 10. Thats where my other activities starts - laundy for a household of 7 including my baby who was 4mth then. Latch almost every other 2 hours including motn. Above all day activities, i have not included attending to my LO throughput the day. I sometimes babywear him when i had to cook. We have a dog too . So i say, yes its possibleRead more